New Comedic Monologue: Baby Ants in a Pie

Here in the Northeast, we enjoy a lucrative season of apple picking. I went this Fall with some friends and my family, and made a delicious apple pie with some of the resulting apples (tip: replacing vegetable shortening with coconut oil makes the crust soooo good).  While my pie was eaten too fast for a bug to even land on it, Robin, in the monologue below, is not quite so lucky...Check out this new comedic monologue.  Enjoy!

By Tara Meddaugh
© 2015

Age range: 10-60 years old
Setting: A house
Genre: Comedic Monologue/Children's monologue/Teen monologue/Adult monologue
Cast: Female (or male)

(ROBIN, 12-30 years old, is in the kitchen with her friend, Gabe.  She offers him some of the apple pie that has been sitting in the window sill for a week now, as she has been savoring it. As she gets it out, she notices something unusual.)


There are ants in the—oh, gross—oh, gross—there are ants in the pie! Ew ew ew! Squish them! Quick! Wait—is that a queen in it? Is that possible?  It looks like it has wings. That would mean, I guess, that would mean they must have their nest there, or their hill or farm, whatever it’s called…They must have made the pie their home. And…I already ate a piece—and I don’t even know if I regret it yet because it was really amazing apple pie, but that also means…I probably ate some…ants…and maybe some…baby ants…if the queen just hatched them.  Are baby ants like worms? Or just tiny looking ants?  Oh, I really don’t know anything about ants.  But I do know that I do not want to eat them, and I definitely don’t want to eat a baby ant. I mean…look, ants are gross. Really, just all bugs are gross.  Except maybe…butterflies—but otherwise, yuck, right?  But a baby…I mean, a baby can’t help it if it was born in an apple pie. A baby is just…waking up…and…END OF EXCERPT.  Click below for the complete monologue of "Baby Ants in a Pie"-

Baby Ants in a Pie Monologue
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