If you didn't get enough AI commentary from me in my recent post about writing for our beloved bots, check out the next phase of iPhone drama in my comedic monologue below:
ESTELLE, a woman in her late teens-40s, has just made it to a restaurant to meet Dan, a man she is dating. She is one hour late to their dinner, and implores him to understand this is not her fault and no reflection of how much she likes him. It’s all just because of, well, you know...that store where everything's so white...
I know I’m late again, and you’re a, you’re a saint to wait an hour for me, but, listen, really, I didn’t know we were meeting at 6. I thought—remember yesterday, you said 7? And, I know, I know, I know, you’re not gonna believe me, but, I never got the update you sent to my calendar. I thought we were still meeting at 7. And—listen to me, I know this has happened before, and you think, you think I’m some sort of flake or, maybe I get off by making you wait, but I don’t. I don’t! I…
Dan…I really like you.
I like…how you make fun of my penguin socks, and how I sometimes have to look up words you use in your emails. I like how you take me to vegan restaurants when I know you love steak. And, how you’ll listen to cool music with me and pretend to dance even though I know you want to listen to old-man jazz. And…I like how you look at me, and take your glasses off, because your eyes make me feel warm…and safe… like we’re sitting by a fireplace with a blanket around us and maybe drinking hot chocolate…and…you make me feel so happy my stomach’s always nervous around you.
And…I think, see, I think that’s the problem.
I haven’t felt this way before. Not since... Click below for the complete monologue of Maybe the Next iOs Update.