CLAIRE, MY ECLAIR
By Tara Meddaugh (c) 2016
Setting: Outside of a school building
Age range: 20s-50s
Description: ANDRES, a man in his early 20s, talks to his ex-girlfriend, Claire. He begs her for forgiveness in stealing her identity to open up credit cards, and pleads that she consider how his actions were always for the benefit of their relationship.
Claire, Claire—my éclair…My chocolatey, sweet treat, my—okay, okay! I’ll stop! Don’t leave! I won’t call you that. I guess—I don’t deserve to call you that, do I? You’re not my—you’re not my éclair now. Not anymore. I’m just—if you’re sweet then I’m, I’m a—a—a—a Tylenol, like when you chew it up. All bitter and gross. That’s me. I know it, Claire. I’m a gross chewed up Tylenol, and you don’t deserve that. Why would you talk to me? Why would you even look at me after what I did?
But you do look at me. And that’s just because—that’s just because you’re so perfect. You’re like, the most incredible person in the world, and I was so lucky for those two years to be part of such an incredible person’s life.
And, I want you to know, I mean, I hope you already do—but…I know I messed up your credit. And opened up all those accounts in your name and you...End of excerpt. Click to view the entire Claire, My Eclair monologue.