PINHOLE OF JOY
Cast: 2 female, 2 male
Genre: Absurd Tragedy/ Dark comedy/ dark drama
When David gives his ill wife, Leah, a wig for her bald scalp, he is thrilled to find this pleases her, so he complies with her request for more of them. However, as Leahs demands become increasingly troublesome, and loose human hair with mysterious red dots now engulfs their entire apartment, David must decide how far he is willing to go to satisfy his wife.
EXCERPT
Cast: 2 female, 2 male
Genre: Absurd Tragedy/ Dark comedy/ dark drama
When David gives his ill wife, Leah, a wig for her bald scalp, he is thrilled to find this pleases her, so he complies with her request for more of them. However, as Leahs demands become increasingly troublesome, and loose human hair with mysterious red dots now engulfs their entire apartment, David must decide how far he is willing to go to satisfy his wife.
EXCERPT
CHARACTERS IN EXCERPT:
DAVID A middle-aged man, Leah’s husband.
LEAH A middle-aged woman, David’s wife.
Excerpt starts in the middle of Act I, Scene 2.
(The Living room/Kitchen of an apartment. LEAH wears a bathrobe and a towel around her head.)
LEAH
You walked out on me this afternoon. I thought you’d never come back.
DAVID
I told you I had to go back to work.
LEAH
You spend too much time there. Each time you come back, you bring more death with you. Why?
DAVID
I don’t bring—I have to go to work. Since I cut back on my hours, it’s been harder to . . . I need to go to work so I can take care of you here.
LEAH
Every time you go to work, you leave horrific images in my mind so I can only have nightmares when I sleep.
DAVID
Darling . . .
LEAH
I’m weary of it, David! In my nightmares, you are always there and I am never there. I think it’s unfair that you leave those images in my mind. I don’t want you to go there anymore.
(pause)
DAVID
Let’s go out.
(LEAH does not react)
Let’s go out, Leah!
LEAH
Go out where?
DAVID
Go out to dinner or a movie, or dancing!
LEAH
No.
DAVID
Please, can’t we go out? Wouldn’t it be fun?
(pause)
Don’t you want to leave the apartment?
LEAH
No.
DAVID
Let’s just enjoy each other. Have a good time. Let’s go out.
(pause)
I’ll give you my gift now.
LEAH
Is it a knife?
DAVID
No, of course not.
LEAH
It’s not a knife across my chest, is it?
DAVID
Leah, no.
LEAH
Because I can feel a heavy metal knife. I can feel the knife in my chest. Did I put it there or did you? I can’t recall.
DAVID
There is no knife. It’s something I hope you’ll like.
(brings her large hat box)
Open it.
LEAH
Will it explode if I open it?
DAVID
No. No bombs.
LEAH
Will it gas me?
DAVID
I’ll open it. Here.
(he opens the box and pulls out a beautiful wig)
See?
LEAH
It’s . . . it’s beautiful.
DAVID
You like it?
LEAH
(reaching for it)
I’ve never held such . . . dead life in my hands before.
(pause)
I love it.
DAVID
Try it on.
(LEAH tries to place the wig on top of the towel around her head.)
DAVID
No. Take the towel off. I’ll help you.
(LEAH lets DAVID take the towel off her and reveals her bald head. LEAH holds out the wig and strokes it before placing it on her head. DAVID smiles at her. HE leads her to a mirror on the wall. LEAH looks in at her reflection.)
LEAH
You can look at me, David.
(Pause)
DAVID
I—thank you, Leah. You look beautiful. You’re beautiful.
LEAH
I look like a robot.
DAVID
No.
LEAH
But I like it.
(Pause.)
DAVID
Come. Let’s go out. You can wear your strapless red dress and your black shoes. You’ll look beautiful.
LEAH
I won’t wear blood, David. Not now. But I may wear the shoes.
DAVID
Then you’ll go out with me? You love to dance.
LEAH
You’ll trip me and skate over my neck.
DAVID
No. No skates. I won’t trip you. We’ll just dance. Will you, Leah? Will you come out with me now?
(Pause.)
LEAH
If you put on a black tuxedo.
DAVID
I’ll put on my black pants. Is that okay? You know I don’t have my tuxedo anymore.
LEAH
Put on your black pants.
DAVID
I’ll be right back. I’ll put on the pants. I’ll be right back, Leah!
(DAVID, almost giddy with excitement exits. LEAH stands staring at herself in the mirror for a time before speaking. She strokes the wig, speaking slowly.)
LEAH
Dead. . . life . . . dead . . . life . . . life . . .dead . . . life . . . dead . . . lead . . .dife . . . lead . . . knife . . . lead . . . wife . . .
(DAVID enters in black pants and a dress shirt. He carries a blue dress, a black dress, and a pair of black women’s shoes.)
DAVID
I left the red one in the bedroom. Here. You can pick which one you want to wear.
(he brings the dresses over to LEAH who is still standing by the mirror.)
LEAH
Head . . . knife . . .
DAVID
Leah?
(LEAH turns to see him)
I brought you two dresses you can choose from. I think you look beautiful in both.
LEAH
Why?
DAVID
We’re going out. We can go dancing.
LEAH
I can’t go out.
DAVID
Why can’t—Leah, why not? Please, we can leave the apartment. You look beautiful. I can look at you. You are beautiful.
LEAH
My hair isn’t right.
DAVID
Your—no, it’s perfect.
LEAH
It’s not right for going out.
DAVID
No, it’s perfect, Leah. It’s perfect for going out.
LEAH
It’s all wrong.
(snatches dresses from DAVID)
I won’t let you make a fool of me.
DAVID
You won’t be a fool! You said you’d go out with me. Don’t you remember?
LEAH
I do remember. You threatened to skate over my neck and I still agreed to go. And I would go, except that people would notice the contamination.
DAVID
You don’t like it?
LEAH
I love it. I love my new treasure, but it’s for staying in since you tainted it. I need another one for going out.
DAVID
What’s wrong with it?
LEAH
It’s tainted at the bottom.
DAVID
Well, then we can cut it off. Here.
(runs to kitchen drawer and pulls out a pair of scissors)
LEAH
No! Stay away from me with those! Put those fish hooks away!
DAVID
They’re just—
LEAH
Don’t bait me! I’m not a trout!
DAVID
Of course you’re not. They’re just scissors. I can cut a little of the hair off for you—then you’ll be happy, right? Then we can go out. Please, it’s okay.
LEAH
My hair is not a trout either! You put that fish hook down.
DAVID
Can I cut the hair?
LEAH
Never! I need this hair. I need it to be in the apartment.
DAVID
But Leah—
LEAH
I need it and I won’t have you destroying it. You’ve done enough already. Now it’s mine.
(DAVID puts the scissors away.)
DAVID
I could bring it back and exchange it for a shorter one.
LEAH
Bring it back?
DAVID
To where I got it from.
LEAH
Did the fairies give it to you?
DAVID
I—yes, the fairies did.
LEAH
Then get me another one.
DAVID
I can’t. . .
LEAH
Why not? Are the fairies stingy?
DAVID
I can’t afford another one. Please, darling, you know I can’t.
LEAH
Did you sell your soul to the fairies?
DAVID
No, of course not.
LEAH
Well, then, you still have something they want. Sell your soul and get me a shorter treasure.
DAVID
Leah, I—please, darling, if you don’t like this one, let me take it back. But I can’t—
LEAH
This time, don’t go back to that work.
DAVID
What?
LEAH
If you don’t want to bring me another tainted treasure, don’t go back to that office.
DAVID
Leah, what do you—
LEAH
I need another treasure—unspoiled this time. No nightmares to follow it from your work.
DAVID
I can’t leave my job. We need the—
LEAH
Every time you return from that office, you bring weight with you and it’s too heavy for me to bear now. It’s stopped my treasure from going out and it’ll stop my heart soon too.
DAVID
Don’t say that.
LEAH
David, please! I need you to get me another treasure, a lighter one not soiled by your office. I can’t go out or smile or sing songs until I have this.
DAVID
Darling, you know I would do anything for you, but I can’t leave my job. Things are already tight, how could I get you another wig if I didn’t even have—
LEAH
Then get a job outside of that office! Work outside, in the gray air where that office full of ghosts won’t infect my treasures.
DAVID
What kind of job can I get outside? Leah, this is ridiculous. You can’t ask me to—
LEAH
I only ask you for what I need, for what I must have, and you steal my breath with your words. You’re stealing my breath, David! I am so unhappy. You’ve made me so unhappy.
(gravely)
Don’t you see, David? Don’t you see I’m decaying? I can feel. . . myself. . . decaying. Please don’t let me decay. Please don’t let me rot. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t talk. I can’t. . .
DAVID
Leah?
(LEAH stares directly at DAVID and shakes her head.)
Leah, don’t do this. Please.
(LEAH walks over to the dresses she has tossed on the couch.)
Do you want to get dressed, darling? I’ll help you get dressed. You shouldn’t be—what are you doing?
(LEAH begins ripping the black dress)
Leah, stop!
(He stares at her for a moment while she rips the dress)
Please, that’s your—
(He grabs her arms and pulls her away from the dress. She tries to struggle, but she is too weak to fight with him)
Don’t tear your dress. Your beautiful dress.
(He sits her down in a chair. She is breathing very heavily. He kneels beside her.)
Rest. Sit here. Please, darling, don’t get upset.
(LEAH begins to whimper softly, stroking her wig.)
Talk to me.
(She shakes her head and points to her heart)
Leah, please. Please.
(Pause.)
LEAH
Lead . . .
DAVID
What?
(pause)
Oh, Leah.
(pause)
I’ll get it for you, okay? If that’s what you want—if that’s what you need, I’ll get you another one. I’ll, I’ll talk to the fairies. I’ll find a way. I’ll get you an unspoiled—treasure. I’ll get it for you. I won’t let you decay, my darling.
(he strokes her face. She lets him)
(Pause.)
LEAH
Wife . . .
LEAH
You walked out on me this afternoon. I thought you’d never come back.
DAVID
I told you I had to go back to work.
LEAH
You spend too much time there. Each time you come back, you bring more death with you. Why?
DAVID
I don’t bring—I have to go to work. Since I cut back on my hours, it’s been harder to . . . I need to go to work so I can take care of you here.
LEAH
Every time you go to work, you leave horrific images in my mind so I can only have nightmares when I sleep.
DAVID
Darling . . .
LEAH
I’m weary of it, David! In my nightmares, you are always there and I am never there. I think it’s unfair that you leave those images in my mind. I don’t want you to go there anymore.
(pause)
DAVID
Let’s go out.
(LEAH does not react)
Let’s go out, Leah!
LEAH
Go out where?
DAVID
Go out to dinner or a movie, or dancing!
LEAH
No.
DAVID
Please, can’t we go out? Wouldn’t it be fun?
(pause)
Don’t you want to leave the apartment?
LEAH
No.
DAVID
Let’s just enjoy each other. Have a good time. Let’s go out.
(pause)
I’ll give you my gift now.
LEAH
Is it a knife?
DAVID
No, of course not.
LEAH
It’s not a knife across my chest, is it?
DAVID
Leah, no.
LEAH
Because I can feel a heavy metal knife. I can feel the knife in my chest. Did I put it there or did you? I can’t recall.
DAVID
There is no knife. It’s something I hope you’ll like.
(brings her large hat box)
Open it.
LEAH
Will it explode if I open it?
DAVID
No. No bombs.
LEAH
Will it gas me?
DAVID
I’ll open it. Here.
(he opens the box and pulls out a beautiful wig)
See?
LEAH
It’s . . . it’s beautiful.
DAVID
You like it?
LEAH
(reaching for it)
I’ve never held such . . . dead life in my hands before.
(pause)
I love it.
DAVID
Try it on.
(LEAH tries to place the wig on top of the towel around her head.)
DAVID
No. Take the towel off. I’ll help you.
(LEAH lets DAVID take the towel off her and reveals her bald head. LEAH holds out the wig and strokes it before placing it on her head. DAVID smiles at her. HE leads her to a mirror on the wall. LEAH looks in at her reflection.)
LEAH
You can look at me, David.
(Pause)
DAVID
I—thank you, Leah. You look beautiful. You’re beautiful.
LEAH
I look like a robot.
DAVID
No.
LEAH
But I like it.
(Pause.)
DAVID
Come. Let’s go out. You can wear your strapless red dress and your black shoes. You’ll look beautiful.
LEAH
I won’t wear blood, David. Not now. But I may wear the shoes.
DAVID
Then you’ll go out with me? You love to dance.
LEAH
You’ll trip me and skate over my neck.
DAVID
No. No skates. I won’t trip you. We’ll just dance. Will you, Leah? Will you come out with me now?
(Pause.)
LEAH
If you put on a black tuxedo.
DAVID
I’ll put on my black pants. Is that okay? You know I don’t have my tuxedo anymore.
LEAH
Put on your black pants.
DAVID
I’ll be right back. I’ll put on the pants. I’ll be right back, Leah!
(DAVID, almost giddy with excitement exits. LEAH stands staring at herself in the mirror for a time before speaking. She strokes the wig, speaking slowly.)
LEAH
Dead. . . life . . . dead . . . life . . . life . . .dead . . . life . . . dead . . . lead . . .dife . . . lead . . . knife . . . lead . . . wife . . .
(DAVID enters in black pants and a dress shirt. He carries a blue dress, a black dress, and a pair of black women’s shoes.)
DAVID
I left the red one in the bedroom. Here. You can pick which one you want to wear.
(he brings the dresses over to LEAH who is still standing by the mirror.)
LEAH
Head . . . knife . . .
DAVID
Leah?
(LEAH turns to see him)
I brought you two dresses you can choose from. I think you look beautiful in both.
LEAH
Why?
DAVID
We’re going out. We can go dancing.
LEAH
I can’t go out.
DAVID
Why can’t—Leah, why not? Please, we can leave the apartment. You look beautiful. I can look at you. You are beautiful.
LEAH
My hair isn’t right.
DAVID
Your—no, it’s perfect.
LEAH
It’s not right for going out.
DAVID
No, it’s perfect, Leah. It’s perfect for going out.
LEAH
It’s all wrong.
(snatches dresses from DAVID)
I won’t let you make a fool of me.
DAVID
You won’t be a fool! You said you’d go out with me. Don’t you remember?
LEAH
I do remember. You threatened to skate over my neck and I still agreed to go. And I would go, except that people would notice the contamination.
DAVID
You don’t like it?
LEAH
I love it. I love my new treasure, but it’s for staying in since you tainted it. I need another one for going out.
DAVID
What’s wrong with it?
LEAH
It’s tainted at the bottom.
DAVID
Well, then we can cut it off. Here.
(runs to kitchen drawer and pulls out a pair of scissors)
LEAH
No! Stay away from me with those! Put those fish hooks away!
DAVID
They’re just—
LEAH
Don’t bait me! I’m not a trout!
DAVID
Of course you’re not. They’re just scissors. I can cut a little of the hair off for you—then you’ll be happy, right? Then we can go out. Please, it’s okay.
LEAH
My hair is not a trout either! You put that fish hook down.
DAVID
Can I cut the hair?
LEAH
Never! I need this hair. I need it to be in the apartment.
DAVID
But Leah—
LEAH
I need it and I won’t have you destroying it. You’ve done enough already. Now it’s mine.
(DAVID puts the scissors away.)
DAVID
I could bring it back and exchange it for a shorter one.
LEAH
Bring it back?
DAVID
To where I got it from.
LEAH
Did the fairies give it to you?
DAVID
I—yes, the fairies did.
LEAH
Then get me another one.
DAVID
I can’t. . .
LEAH
Why not? Are the fairies stingy?
DAVID
I can’t afford another one. Please, darling, you know I can’t.
LEAH
Did you sell your soul to the fairies?
DAVID
No, of course not.
LEAH
Well, then, you still have something they want. Sell your soul and get me a shorter treasure.
DAVID
Leah, I—please, darling, if you don’t like this one, let me take it back. But I can’t—
LEAH
This time, don’t go back to that work.
DAVID
What?
LEAH
If you don’t want to bring me another tainted treasure, don’t go back to that office.
DAVID
Leah, what do you—
LEAH
I need another treasure—unspoiled this time. No nightmares to follow it from your work.
DAVID
I can’t leave my job. We need the—
LEAH
Every time you return from that office, you bring weight with you and it’s too heavy for me to bear now. It’s stopped my treasure from going out and it’ll stop my heart soon too.
DAVID
Don’t say that.
LEAH
David, please! I need you to get me another treasure, a lighter one not soiled by your office. I can’t go out or smile or sing songs until I have this.
DAVID
Darling, you know I would do anything for you, but I can’t leave my job. Things are already tight, how could I get you another wig if I didn’t even have—
LEAH
Then get a job outside of that office! Work outside, in the gray air where that office full of ghosts won’t infect my treasures.
DAVID
What kind of job can I get outside? Leah, this is ridiculous. You can’t ask me to—
LEAH
I only ask you for what I need, for what I must have, and you steal my breath with your words. You’re stealing my breath, David! I am so unhappy. You’ve made me so unhappy.
(gravely)
Don’t you see, David? Don’t you see I’m decaying? I can feel. . . myself. . . decaying. Please don’t let me decay. Please don’t let me rot. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t talk. I can’t. . .
DAVID
Leah?
(LEAH stares directly at DAVID and shakes her head.)
Leah, don’t do this. Please.
(LEAH walks over to the dresses she has tossed on the couch.)
Do you want to get dressed, darling? I’ll help you get dressed. You shouldn’t be—what are you doing?
(LEAH begins ripping the black dress)
Leah, stop!
(He stares at her for a moment while she rips the dress)
Please, that’s your—
(He grabs her arms and pulls her away from the dress. She tries to struggle, but she is too weak to fight with him)
Don’t tear your dress. Your beautiful dress.
(He sits her down in a chair. She is breathing very heavily. He kneels beside her.)
Rest. Sit here. Please, darling, don’t get upset.
(LEAH begins to whimper softly, stroking her wig.)
Talk to me.
(She shakes her head and points to her heart)
Leah, please. Please.
(Pause.)
LEAH
Lead . . .
DAVID
What?
(pause)
Oh, Leah.
(pause)
I’ll get it for you, okay? If that’s what you want—if that’s what you need, I’ll get you another one. I’ll, I’ll talk to the fairies. I’ll find a way. I’ll get you an unspoiled—treasure. I’ll get it for you. I won’t let you decay, my darling.
(he strokes her face. She lets him)
(Pause.)
LEAH
Wife . . .