THE BEST MARRIAGE ADVICE (excerpt from BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER)
Genre: COMEDY/ABSURD
Cast: FEMALE (MALE)
Setting: A BATHROOM
Age range: 30-70
Description: Georgia is speaking to a young man and woman who have just met in this encounter.  The couple is in the bathtub, shower curtain pulled so Georgia cannot see them, but they are presumably making love, as they both have admitted they are young and attractive, and this should be the natural course of events.  Georgia is a make-up artist, and older, believing she has much wisdom to impart.

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GEORGIA

What a lovely time to meet.  Well, I'll offer you just a bit of advice, if I may.  I should think you ought to purchase a dog before you have children, considering that is the patriotic thing to do.  And I'm sure you'll find many advantages to this purchase, as well.  My husband and I bought a dog and named him Granddad after my granddad.  Granddad had a terrible habit of running into the street and he was hit by a car one day and died, right before my eyes.  Then we bought another dog and named him Granddad after our previous dog that died.  Granddad had a nasty compulsion of chasing cars and so one day a car ran Granddad right over and he died, just simply died.  After that we bought another dog and named him Mugger.  But Mugger was just like the rest and got hit by a car and died.  I was, naturally, quite disappointed, this having been our third dog that died and all.  Then as I walked to Mugger's body, a neighbor stopped me and told me I ought to keep my dogs on a leash and perhaps they wouldn't run into the road and die quite so often.  Well, I thought this was an absolutely brilliant idea and... CLICK FOR COMPLETE THE BEST MARRIAGE ADVICE MONOLOGUE.