FORBIDDEN IN THE ELF MANUAL
A monologue from CHRISTMAS GRUMPING 101
By Tara Meddaugh
About the play, CHRISTMAS GRUMPING 101:
Christmas Grumping professors, Sourpuss Fuddy Duddy and Killjoy Cactus Snarl, are pleased to find their classroom filled with eager elf-students desiring to learn the art of becoming a Christmas grump. However, the class of bright-eyed cheerful students are blatantly failing. Every. Single. Lesson. Are the elves really that dull? Are they actually trying? Or is there some other reason they’re all in this class…? And is there anything, like, anything at all, that maybe…just maybe… the Grumping professors can learn from the sugar-loving, compliment-spewing elves? For the complete play, Christmas Grumping 101, click here.
About the monologue, Forbidden in the Elf Manual:
The Christmas Grumping 101 professors have expressed frustration in their inept class of elves and wonder why they are even enrolled in the course. Tootsie Frosted Cookie Stockings explains his reasoning for signing up for Christmas Grumping 101: It’s all about the videogames.
DETAILS:
Genre: Comedic/Children/Teen/Christmas
Running time: Approximately 1 minute
Cast: Male (or any gender)
Age range: Any age
Setting: A Christmas Grumping 101 Classroom at the North Pole
Time period: contemporary
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TOOTSIE FROSTED COOKIE STOCKINGS
(clarifying their name for the Christmas Grumping Professors who hate hearing the elves’ long ridiculous sugary names)
It’s Tootsie Frosted Cookie Stockings.
And the reason I came here today—the reason I thought I might actually be a bit of a Christmas grump inside is that…well…I know this is going to terrify everyone, so brace yourself. But…
(ELVES lean in)
I hate making snowballs.
(ELVES gasp)
And sledding.
(ELVES gasp)
And frolicking in the snow at all really. I mostly just wanna play videogames. And not like, “Fill Santa’s Sleigh” videogames. I’ve—END OF EXCERPT
Click here for the free monologue, Forbidden in the Elf Manual. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:
For the entire play, CHRISTMAS GRUMPING 101, from which this monologue comes, click below:
In this 30-40 minute Christmas comedy for 16+ actors of any gender, Christmas Grumping 101 professors, Sourpuss Fuddy Duddy and Killjoy Cactus Snarl, are pleased to find their classroom filled with eager elf-students desiring to learn the art of becoming a Christmas grump. However, the class of bright-eyed cheerful students are blatantly failing. Every. Single. Lesson. Can these professors get the class of chipper elves to learn anything about becoming a good Christmas grump? And perhaps along the way, can the Grumping professors can learn something from the elves?