Not Just Derivatives and Functions or Whatever.
A monologue
By Tara Meddaugh
Copyright © 2018 by Tara Meddaugh
All rights reserved.

Genre: Teen/Comedy/Young Adult    
Running time: Approximately 2 minutes
Cast: Female, teen, young adult
About the monologue: Angelina speaks to her friend, Dawson, about his decision to take Helen to the prom. She first points out how Helen is not as kind as she is, but the real issue is Helen’s brain (Angelina doesn’t body-bash, so she won’t mention Helen’s looks). Angelina knows how much Dawson values a brain in a girl he likes (he did, after all, tell her once that “The hottest part of a girl is her brain.”). She is concerned, as any friend would be, that Helen’s brain is just too obsessed with math to be, well, hot.
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ANGELINA

Are you really going to Prom with Helen?  Don’t even think about the fact that I’m, like, 10 times nicer than her—you know I am—you saw me donating all my old clothes, even from Anthropology, and I could have gotten a lot of money if I’d sold them online. And Helen…she’s mean, Dawson. She wouldn’t even adopt that stray cat we saw in the school parking lot on Tuesday. And you know I was totally ready to do it, except it ran away and you can’t chase cats.

(pause)

Now, I won’t criticize her looks, because I don’t body bash and am so pro-unity. But can we talk about her brain? It’s okay to judge brains. Because, Dawson, this is the real issue. You could go out with her if you’re into mean girls who, you know, look like her. But remember last year, when we had that really long talk sitting next to each other on the bus going to that art museum? You said, and I totally remember it, because it was so cool you said it, and so much more mature than all the other guys in school. It was like you were…in your 20s... You said, you were like, “The hottest part of a girl is her brain.”

(pause)

So. You know. Think about her brain, Dawson. She’s always, I mean, she’s obsessed with Math. Everything she…End of Excerpt

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