Looking for more monologues? Support the playwright and click for a hard copy of Tara's monologue compilation book, Memorable Monologues for Actors. The book includes many monologues which are not found on the website.

A NOTE ABOUT MONOLOGUES

Tara's monologues have been used all over the world--from a Variety Show in the Middle East to computer animation in Scotland, to being published in a Language Arts High School textbook in South Africa, and countless contests, festivals, and of course, auditions.  Tara is usually happy to let actors use her monologues for auditions (most of them free of charge), but you must contact Tara for permission and always give proper credit.  If you would like to use a monologue for any purpose, please contact her, as well, to request permission (she almost always says yes!).

TEEN MONOLOGUES

Tara's teen monologues are comedic or dramatic, and are suitable for pre-teens at the middle school level through high school, and for young adults. There are teen monologues for male or female actors. While these monologues are written for teens, teens may play many of the monologues listed in the dramatic monologue or comedic monologue section, as well.

A Donut Daydream, monologue Genre: COMEDY, Cast FEMALE, Setting: LIBRARY
A Klingon In Love, monologue Genre: COMEDY, Cast MALE (female), Setting: STAR TREK CONVENTION
A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean, monologue. Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S/TEEN, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: A KITCHEN
Baby Ants in a Pie monologue Genre: COMEDY, Cast FEMALE (Male), Setting: KITCHEN/DINING ROOM
Claire, My Eclair, monologue, teen version Genre: COMEDY/DRAMA/TEEN, Cast MALE, Setting: OUTSIDE OF A SCHOOL
Covering My Ears, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC/TEEN/CHILDREN Cast: FEMALE/MALE Setting: A BATHROOM
Ferret Envy, monologue or Ferret Envy, the play Genre: DARK COMEDY, Cast FEMALE (male), Setting: APARTMENT
Forgiveness and Defeat at a Pokemon Gym Genre: COMEDY/TEEN/CHILDREN, cast MALE (female), Setting: A PARKING LOT
I am a Shark, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC, Cast MALE/FEMALE, Setting: A BEACH
Ipad Fury, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S, Cast MALE/FEMALE, Setting: A MINIVAN
Livvy's Vase, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE (male), Setting: HOUSE
Locking the Store, monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY/DRAMA, Cast: MALE, Setting: GIFT SHOP
March in Line, monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY, Cast: FEMALE/MALE, Setting: BEDROOM
Mary's Expectations, monologue Genre: COMEDIC, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: 18TH CENTURY HOME
No More Mirrors, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC, Cast FEMALE (male), Setting: HOTEL/CAMBODIA
Purple Banana Nose, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC, Cast: MALE (female), Setting: POLICE STATION
Single Crutch, monologue Genre: COMEDIC, Cast, MALE, Setting: OUTSIDE A HOUSE
The Beanstalk, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/DRAMATIC, Cast: MALE, Setting: A GIANT BEANSTALK
The Dog Toenail, monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY, Cast: MALE (female), Setting: A CAN FACTORY
The Plum-Colored Sweater, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: A CLOTHING STORE


A DONUT DAYDREAM
Genre: COMEDY
Cast FEMALE
Setting: LIBRARY
Age Range: 15-18 years old
Running time: approximately 2.5 minutes long (varies depending on performance)
Description: Lulu is a girl of about 17 years old.  It is about a month before her high school prom.  She is at the library, trying to study with her friend.

Excerpt from A Donut Daydream monologue

LULU

I’m dreaming of a donut. I’m that hungry. Like, literally, day dreaming about tasting one. Biting into one. I’m not sure which one I’d choose…Maybe the kind with chocolate icing on the outside and that creamy filling.  What are those called? Cream puffs? Not that but…they’re so good.  So rich.  I like that feeling of a little kind of explosion as my teeth hit the pastry.  And the filling just spills out into my mouth.  Or maybe I’d go for a glazed donut.  They’re simple. But we all know they’re the best, right?  The melted sugar.  The glaze.  That slight hint of a yeasty dough. I like to feel the glaze melt on my tongue.  Turn from icing into liquid.  You know you can really taste the sugar, so intense, right on the front of your tongue?  I really should be studying. I know that.  I have my books right here. But when you’re hungry…you know…it’s all you can think about.  I guess this is how those kids in Africa feel.  Those poor kids.  You know it’s my mom that made me skip lunch. She thinks...END OF EXCERPT. Click below for the complete monologue of "A Donut Daydream."

A Donut Daydream monologue
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A KLINGON IN LOVE
Genre: COMEDY, Star Trek / Trekkie / sci-fi monologue
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting:  A STAR TREK CONVENTION
Age Range: teen to 60s

Description: ARLEN is dressed up as a Klingon, head to toe, at a Star Trek Convention. He speaks to Trish, a woman who is wearing a Star Fleet officer uniform 

ARLEN

I know it seems crazy that a Klingon would fall for a star fleet commander, but…crazier things have happened on the Enterprise, right?  We’re not talking DS9 or Voyager here. We’re talking Gene Roddenberry, old school, Jim and Picard.  You remember Kirk and the green alien? Data searching for human emotions?  You know what I’m saying.  You get it.  Who cares if our blood’s different colors?  Who cares what the rest of them think.  We’re in love.  I wanna…I wanna tell Mr. Sulu selling $50 pictures over there—tell him about how you switched your phaser from Kill to Stun when you saw me. I wanna interrupt Dr. Crusher’s speech to tell the world how your hair smelled like apples when you leaned down to fix my mask. I wanna kiss you in a pile of tribbles for the whole convention to see!  We’re different—I know, I know.  You’re a communications officer...CLICK FOR ENTIRE A KLINGON IN LOVE MONOLOGUE


A WASTE OF A TOTALLY GOOD JELLY BEAN
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S/TEEN
Cast: MALE/FEMALE
Setting: A kitchen
Age range: 5-15 years old

Run time: 1 minute
Description: STEVEN, a boy (ages 5-15) speaks to his dad. Steven has just shared his Easter jelly beans with his dad who has gobbled up a handful of them all at once. Steven implores his dad to eat the jelly beans the “right” way.

EXCERPT from "A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean"

____________________

STEVEN

There is a wrong way. There's really a wrong way and you're doing it, Dad! You're doing it so wrong wrong wrong wrong! You're totally wasting them! You know how hard it was for me to get those? I mean, I waited all year...since last Easter. And—I—I—I don't mind sharing with you. Really. I like it when I can give you something that I really like and you like it too. But—this—this is just wrong, Dad. When someone gives you 20 jelly beans, and they're all different flavors like popcorn and chocolate pudding and blueberry, you don't just—you don't just shove them all in your mouth at once! Then you don't taste anything and it's just this giant blob of like, I don't know, sugary melted plastic or something. You gotta...-END OF EXCERPT. Click below for the complete monologue of "A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean."


BABY ANTS IN A PIE
Genre: COMEDY
Cast FEMALE (male)
Setting: KITCHEN
Age Range: 10-60 years old
Running time: approximately 1.5-2 minutes long (varies depending on performance)
Description: ROBIN is in the kitchen with her friend, Gabe.  She offers him some of the apple pie that has been sitting in the window sill for a week now, as she has been savoring it. As she gets it out, she notices something unusual.)

ROBIN

There are ants in the—oh, gross—oh, gross—there are ants in the pie! Ew ew ew! Squish them--quick!  Wait--is that a queen in it? Is that possible?  It looks like it has wings. That would mean, I guess, that would mean they must have their nest there, or their hill or farm, whatever it’s called…They must have made the pie their home. And…I already ate a piece—and I don’t even know if I regret it yet because it was really amazing apple pie, but that also means…I probably ate some…ants…and maybe some…baby ants…if the queen just hatched them.  Are baby ants like worms? Or just tiny looking ants?  Oh, I really don’t know anything about ants.  But I do know that I do not want to eat them, and I definitely don’t want to eat a baby ant. I mean…look, ants are gross. Really, just all bugs are gross.  Except maybe…butterflies—but otherwise, yuck, right?  But a baby…I mean, a baby can’t help it if it was born in an apple pie. A baby is…END OF EXCERPT.  Click below for the complete monologue of "Baby Ants in a Pie"-

Baby Ants in a Pie Monologue
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If you'd like to use this monologue, contact Tara for permission.


CLAIRE, MY ECLAIR
Genre: COMEDIC/DRAMATIC/TEEN monologue
Cast: MALE
Setting: Outside of a school
Age Range: 13-20
Running time: approximately 1 minute long (varies depending on performance)

Description: ANDRES, a boy around 16 years old, talks to his ex-girlfriend, Claire. He begs her for forgiveness in stealing from her father, and pleads that she consider how his actions were always for the benefit of their relationship.

_________________

ANDRES

Claire, Claire—my éclair…My chocolatey, sweet treat, my—okay, okay! I’ll stop!  Don’t leave!  I won’t call you that. I guess—I don’t deserve to call you that, do I? You’re not my—you’re not my éclair now. Not anymore. I’m just—if you’re sweet then I’m, I’m a—a—a—a Tylenol, like when you chew it up. All bitter and gross. That’s me. I know it, Claire. I’m a gross chewed up Tylenol, and you don’t deserve that. Why would you talk to me? Why would you even look at me after what I did?
(pause)
But you do look at me. And that’s just because—that’s just because you’re so perfect. You’re like, the most incredible person in the world, and I was so lucky for those two months to be part of such an incredible person’s life.
(pause) And, I want you to know, I mean, I hope you already do—but…I know I messed up.  You trusted me...END OF EXCERPT. Click for complete monologue of Claire, My Eclair.


COVERING MY EARS
Genre: DRAMATIC/CHILDREN/TEEN monologue
Cast: FEMALE/MALE
Setting: A bathroom
Age Range: 12-70+
Running time: approximately 2 minutes long (varies depending on performance)

Description: Description: Whitney is in the bathroom, envisioning the calmness, peace and escape covering her ears in the shower gives her, before the abrupt harshness of reality comes when she uncovers her ears.
____________________

Excerpt from the monologue, "Covering My Ears"

WHITNEY

I cover my ears in the shower. I stand there—letting the water drip down my hair, my back. I turn into it. It flows down my face. It’s loud. Not like thunder. It’s…it’s…peaceful. Like…I’m swimming under water, in a lake, it’s dark and the rain is pouring down. It’s loud under water. But it’s quiet. Muffled.  Calm. There are no problems under water. There is no yelling. No hurt. No pain. Everything is erased. And no one knows me.  What I’ve done. What’s been done to me. I’m nothing under the water. And nothing is…freeing. To me. (pause)  I uncover my ears. (pause) I have to. I know I can’t stand like this forever. (pause) And when I do--…END OF EXCERPT. Click below for the complete monologue of "Covering My Ears"

Covering My Ears, monologue
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FERRET ENVY
Genre: DARK COMEDY
Cast FEMALE (male)
Setting: APARTMENT
Age range: 13-30 years old
Description: After murdering her friend’s ferret, Jyoti, wrought with guilt, tries to make some form of amends.

JYOTI

I know you think I murdered your ferret, but—hey, stop crying.  You’re gonna make me cry too.  And you (starts crying)—know—happens—when—we—both—start—oh!  I’m doing it too now…(gaining composure) Okay.  Okay.  What would Xena do?
     (pause)

Julia, your ferret ran away.  He did.  I know you don’t want to believe me, but I know this, because…well, I saw him.  And I was wearing my glasses, so I had 20/20.  Or 20/30.  I need a new prescription.  But I could still see it was Foozu, and he was wearing the yellow rain slicker, not the winter coat you tie dyed for him, so I think he was headed for Seattle. 
     (pause)
And, I don’t think we should go after him, Julia.  That Payless box wasn’t big enough; you always forgot to feed him, and when you did, it was usually just pebbles and sticks—and I really don’t think ferrets can live on that.  Seattle has a lot more to offer Foozu.  Food, drinks, warm shelter, intellectual stimulation, perpetual contentment.  He deserves that, don’t you think?
     (pause)

I, I know coming in and seeing me with the knife over Foozu’s box makes it look rather strange.  But…Well…CLICK FOR ENTIRE FERRET ENVY MONOLOGUE.


FORGIVENESS AND DEFEAT AT A POKEMON GYM
Genre: COMEDY/TEEN/CHILDREN'S
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: In a parking lot of a grocery store. Late at night.
Age range: 12-30 years old
Description:
Benjamin, a boy of around 16 years old, is at a Stop and Shop grocery store parking lot, around midnight. He is speaking with his long time friend (and probably crush), Evie, who is quite angry with him.  Unknowingly, he has defeated her pokemon gym, and now he needs to prove he would never battle with her on purpose...but is it too late?

 _____________________

BENJAMIN

I know you’re mad—I just saw your post of that face with the flames coming out of its head, and I’m just—aw, Evie, I know it looks bad.  I know you won’t believe me, but listen, it’s not, it’s just, it’s not what it looks like. (pause) How was I supposed to know it was you?  You’re a—you’re a girl with really long hair, but your avatar looks kind of like a boy with short hair.   Which is fine, but I mean, right there, that should show you I’m innocent.  And—I never would have thought you’d choose yellow.  Your favorite color is blue—it’s always been blue…like your eyes…And look at your bike, Evie—it’s blue too.  It still has those butterfly decals you put on when you were nine.  I put on the lightning bolts (pause) I know there isn’t much I can do now.....END OF EXCERPT. Click below for the complete monologue of "Forgiveness and Defeat at a Pokemon Gym."


I am a Shark, monologue
Genre: DRAMATIC
Cast MALE/FEMALE
Setting: A BEACH
Age range: 10-20 years old
Description: Jaime is a child or teen (may be played by a male or female actor), anywhere from 10-20 years old.  Jaime is standing at a beach when confronted by a group of bullies.

JAMIE

Sometimes, when I stand on the beach and look out at the ocean, I imagine I’m a shark.  My feet are hot, so hot they’re burning.  Burning so much, I start to not feel the pain anymore.  I take several deep breaths, and I breathe out the heat through my nose.  I can feel it leaving me.  My feet are tingling.  A little numb.  But I feel no pain.  I am a shark.  I’m swimming through the water and you can cut me with your knives, but my skin is hard and I am tough.  And I feel no pain.  A boy, this boy I know, but wish I didn’t, runs out of the ocean and past me.  I feel the cold water he’s brought in on my legs.  He’s tossed sand on me too and it’s sticking to me.  I reach my hand down to feel the roughness on my legs.  It’s like sandpaper.  His friend runs out of the water too, chasing him, and he bumps into me.  CLICK FOR ENTIRE I AM A SHARK MONOLOGUE.


IPAD FURY
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S/TENN
Cast MALE/FEMALE
Setting: A MINIVAN
Age range: 7-15 years old
Running time: approximately 1 minute long (varies depending on performance)
Description: JUSTIN, a boy, 7-12 years old, is sitting in the driver’s side of his mom’s Toyota Sienna minivan. The keys are in the ignition, the doors are locked. The window is open about 1 inch. Justin’s mom is standing next to the driver’s side of the car, locked out.

JUSTIN

Just because I’m not a teenager yet doesn’t mean I can’t drive a car. You think I won’t do it?  I might not be good at it, but remember how long it took me to tie my shoes? I had those laces in knots no one knew what to do with, for years, but I didn’t stop. I just kept practicing. You say it’s good to be a hard worker.  Well, my strength is also my weakness, I guess.  Look at how that came to bite you, Mom. Because you know all it would take is for me to put this Sienna in reverse. Just back it out of the driveway nice and slow or maybe not nice and slow. Maybe fast and furious or whatever...CLICK BELOW FOR THE COMPLETE MONOLOGUE OF "IPAD FURY."

Ipad Fury, monologue
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LIVVY'S VASE
Adapted from Holding Ginger
Genre: DRAMATIC
Cast: FEMALE (male)
Setting: HOUSE
Age range: 5-14 years old
Description: Jenna is standing in the hallway of her house.  Her older sister, Livvy, is near her, and they’ve both witnessed Jenna’s running through the hall and knocking over Livvy’s (empty) glass vase. There is broken glass on the floor.

JENNA

Uh oh…uh oh…I’m sorry!  I’m so...I’ll clean it up! Right now!  I’ll—I didn’t do it on purpose. You know that, right?  It was an accident! I was just running through—I know I’m not supposed to be running through the hall, but…Ginger was chasing that ball and I was trying to catch him…Come on.  I’m sorry.  Okay?  I just bumped into it by accident…I’m cleaning it up, see?  Even though Mom would probably be mad I’m touching glass like this and you’re not helping even though you’re older than I am.  But look—I’m doing it!  I’m really sorry, Livvy.   You’ve had that vase for…I don’t know…when did that boy give it to you?  You were…were you my age?  Maybe older.  No boy has given me flowers yet.  CLICK FOR ENTIRE LIVVY'S VASE MONOLOGUE.

Click for the entire play, Holding Ginger, from which the "Livvy's Vase" monologue comes.


LOCKING THE STORE
From Poorly Wrapped
Genre: DARK COMEDY/DRAMA
Cast: MALE
Setting: GIFT SHOP
Age range: 13-30 years old
Description: Clark is a young man in his late teens or twenties. He is the sales clerk at a gift shop on a small isolated island. Grace, a beautiful customer, has convinced him to give her a free disposable camera, and to wrap it with a roll of wrapping paper from his store. He is smitten with her, beyond rational thought, and does what she asks. He has been wrapping the camera for her, but has been distracted by her beauty.

CLARK

Grace, you’re so beautiful. Maybe I should…look, it’s almost five. I think maybe I’ll just turn that sign over. Turn it over to say we’re closed. Lock the door, maybe? Would that be alright with you? If I did that? I mean, just so we could make sure our time wasn’t interrupted. You’re so beautiful that I just couldn’t, I just really wouldn’t want it to be interrupted. You know? I mean, if someone walked through that door right now, I just, I just don’t know what I’d do. What I’d be able to do. I just…
     (moves to door)
I’m going to lock it. To say we’re closed. No one will come here anyway. No one should. No one on this island stays out past 4:00. I’m mean, we’re out. But that’s us. We’re different than all of them, aren’t we? We’re the two people who are different, and I’m going to keep the rest of them out. CLICK FOR COMPLETE LOCKING THE STORE MONOLOGUE.

Click for the complete play Poorly Wrapped (the one-act play which the "Locking the Store" monologue comes from).


MARCH IN LINE
Genre: DARK COMEDY
Cast: FEMALE/MALE
Setting: BEDROOM
Age range: 13-25 years old
Description: Stephanie is a teenager who does not have many friends in her community or school. She is in her bedroom and speaks to her stuffed animals.

 STEPHANIE

I’m thrilled you all could make it tonight, gentlemen.  I know I ask a lot of you, but I hope you all realize, I notice everything.  Every tiny smile, every command obeyed, every sacrifice given.  You’re my men, aren’t you?  And tonight, you’re going to prove it.
     (pause)
Now, I want you all to pick up your instruments and line up in—You!  Stand up straight, please.  I said, stand up!  Would you like the whole town to see you in a wrinkled band uniform?  Don’t answer, just listen.
     (surveys the troops)

Now, form that single line and reflect on your assignment tonight.  Remember, you’re more than simply clarinet players or baton twirlers.  You have a mission, a purpose—and while you may not be here to witness the difference you make, know that I will.  And that’s really what matters most, now isn’t it?
     (pause)
So all those people who said I didn’t have a voice, who said no one would ever listen to me—those awful people, with their awful taunts in my head—“She called ‘fire’ and no one heard her!”  “Have you noticed how the waiter never stops at her table?”  “She can’t even get a dog to lick her hand!” –Well...CLICK FOR ENTIRE MARCH IN LINE MONOLOGUE.


MARY'S EXPECTATIONS
(from The Other Three Sisters)
Genre: COMEDIC
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: 18TH CENTURY HOME
Age range: 15-25 years old
Description: Mary has finally agreed to marry the large, ugly, boring Mr. Watts. While she does not love him, she would hate for his offer to go to her younger sisters and see one of them married before she.  Additionally, her neighbors have not received an offer of marriage, and she looks forward to holding this over them.  While she dreads a life with Mr. Watts, she looks forward to the riches and society gatherings a marriage affords.  She reminds him of what he owes to her, and becomes increasingly excited and demanding as she imagines her life with him.

MARY

Remember the pinmoney—two hundred a year!  And remember I am to have a new carriage hung as high as the Duttons', and blue spotted with silver.  And I shall expect a new saddle horse, a suit of fine lace, and an infinite number of the most valuable jewels.  Diamonds such as never were seen! And pearls, rubies, emeralds and beads out of number.  You must set up your phaeton which must be cream colored with a wreath of silver flowers round it.  You must buy four of the finest Bays in the kingdom and you must drive me in it every day.  This is not all.  You must entirely new furnish your house after my taste.  You must hire two more footmen to attend me, two women to wait on me, must always do just as I please and make a very good husband.  CLICK FOR ENTIRE MARY'S EXPECTATIONS MONOLOGUE.

Click for the entire play, The Other Three Sisters, the one-act play from which the "Mary's Expectations" monologues comes.


"No More Mirrors"
A Dramatic monologue by Tara Meddaugh
From the full-length play, For My Silent Sisters.
Genre: DRAMA
Cast: FEMALE (could be male)
Setting: A hotel room
Age Range: 13-30+ years
Description: JORANI is a young teen in Cambodia when she is taken from her home to work at a brothel. She sees herself in the mirror and does not recognize her face, filled with bruises.  She is speaking out toward the audience.

JORANI

The bruise should be no surprise.  I’ve felt them often enough.  They don’t hurt unless you touch them.  So don’t touch them.  That’s what my mom would say.  No one says that now.  No one notices them.  They pull on my arm which is covered with bruises.  I flinch but they don’t see.  My caramel skin is more green and yellow now.  I’m used to seeing this.  My skin is no longer mine.  My body is no longer mine.  I understand that.  The Buddha shows us suffering is life.  When I last saw my mother, she reminded me of what I have known all my life—we must rid ourselves of our attachments, and then we can be on the path to enlightenment.  My path.  I think of this often, as I give up my body. I accept that.  I hold no attachment.  But when I see my face, I know that it’s mine.  I’m still attached.  I see it in the broken mirror of the hotel bathroom.  I see it in a reflection of his family’s picture on the nightstand.  I see it in the water he’s put in a bowl for me to drink out of on the floor.  My eyes house my soul.  My mouth houses my voice.  My ears house my compassion.  This essence of who I am is still mine.  Seeing my face reminds me…of me.
     (pause)
The American chose me.  I prayed he would not, but he did.  I saw him months ago and I dirtied my pants when I saw him choose me again.  I’ve been with him for two weeks now and I haven’t once looked at my face after all he’s done to me.  Our faces matter, Madam tells us.  Our faces are to stay clean and soft.  But this doesn’t stop them.  They’ll pay extra, but this doesn’t stop them.
     (pause)
And I need to see.
     (pause)
He’s stepped out to get high again.  He knows I won’t leave.  I crawl to the bathroom and reach up to the sink.  I pull myself up and ignore the pain in all of my body.  I stand, but my legs are shaking.  This mirror is clean.  I rub it with my finger and it squeaks.
     (pause)
I stare.  I breathe in…But I am quiet, I am a mouse.  I cannot make a sound...CLICK FOR THE FREE COMPLETE "NO MORE MIRRORS" MONOLOGUE

To learn more about Jorani and her story, check out the play, For My Silent Sisters. You can find information about the play here, or click below for a digital copy of the entire play.


PURPLE BANANA NOSE
Genre: DRAMATIC
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: POLICE STATION
Age range: 15-30 years old
Description: A room in a police station.  The light is white, cold.  A DETECTIVE sits at a table with a folder in front of him/her.  DANNY, sits on the other side of the table.  His hands are on his head and he shakes it back and forth.  He is mentally retarded.

DANNY

Not s’posed to tell!  Not s’posed to tell!
     (pause)
I tell but not use names.  Okay?  That’s what Jimm—that’s what my best friend tell me to do.  No names.  ‘Cause we’re best friends.  My friends always save the cherry one for me.  They good friends.  ‘Cause I useta play by myself, but now they play games wi’ me.  My friend teach me S-s-s-sah-li-taire.  Put black on red.  Black on red.  Black-on-red.  Blackonred. 

     (pause)
Why I gotta tell you ‘bout the game we play?  It our game!  My game wi’ my friends!

     (pause)
We gonna play Muppets, he tell me.  You be Gonzo!  He tell me.  GONZO! 

     (pause)
Gonzo got a purple banana nose.  I like Gonzo.  They tell me be Gonzo ‘cause Gonzo weird and stupid.  Like me.  They funny.  My friends. 
     (pause)
We gonna do Muppet Caper.  My friend Pe—my friend, he play Kermit.  And one play Piggy—but he’s a boy, not a girl. (laughing) He’s a boy, not a girl.  Boy-not-girl. Boynotgirl.  They all silly.
     (pause)
I don’t wanna tell you no more.  You’re not laughing.  You don’t think my friends funny.  They make me laugh.  But you make me cry.  Why you look like you so mad?  Wanna go home.  Don’t wanna stay here.  You look so mad.  Don’t wanna talk. CLICK FOR ENTIRE PURPLE BANANA NOSE MONOLOGUE.


SINGLE CRUTCH
Genre: DARK COMEDY
Gender: MALE (FEMALE)
Setting: OUTSIDE A HOUSE
Age range: 10-20 years old
Description: Ben is a boy of about 14, who is in the marching band at school.  A bully has stolen one of his crutches, and he now speaks to a friend, Mike.

BEN

I’ve been practicing my clarinet all morning and I really thought I was gonna get in this time.  I know marching band is competitive, especially for the hockey team, but I had a good feeling about it all morning.  Fifth time’s a charm, my mom said.
     (pause)
Then that guy who wears all the jewelry stole my crutch.  
     (pause)
My mom said it was okay for me to practice my song outside, since it wasn’t raining and I was only playing marches.  But he ran up to me from across the street.  He was yelling something like, “shut the hell up!” or something.  And he knocked my stand over and grabbed one of my crutches.  I tried to run after him, but I’m not very fast on one crutch.  I didn’t let him get my clarinet though!  I had to toss it under the picnic table, and I’m sure I broke the reed, but at least I saved it.  Anyway, now I have to sort of hop and walk to get anywhere.  I don’t think I can make it to the gym on time with only one crutch.  And since you have that crutch you used in fourth grade when you were Tiny Tim, I was wondering if I could maybe borrow it.  I know you want it to stay in mint condition, but I won’t mess it up.  I’d have to bend over a little, since it’s a kiddie crutch, but my mom said I have a strong back.  I don’t mind.
     (pause)
Hey, you’re the reason my leg is broken anyway.  You’re the one who told me to jump off the truck so-CLICK FOR ENTIRE SINGLE CRUTCH MONOLOGUE


THE BEANSTALK
Edited from the 10-minute play, The Beanstalk. CLICK HERE to read the entire play. NOTE: The monologue does not appear word-for-word from the play (some parts are changed and broken up in the play), but the character, situation and story are the same.
Genre: COMEDY/DRAMA
Cast: MALE (FEMALE)
Setting: A GIANT BEANSTALK
Age range: 12-25 years old
Description: Jack is on a very large beanstalk leading to the clouds.  He speaks to a black crow.

JACK

Don’t poke my eyes out!  I’m not one of those sisters! I’m not—wait! Don’t leave!  I’m sorry—I’m getting a little, I’m a little anxious up here. By myself. But don’t leave.  I don’t know if you can tell, but, I-I-I’m kind of a little bit stuck up here, and…I don’t want to be alone.
     (pause)
See, I didn’t…really…think that I’d make it this far up.  Although, I’ve always been a bit of a climber.  When I was nine months old, my mom found me sitting on top of the brown cow in the barn one morning.  I never considered myself afraid of heights before, but, it’s not really the climbing up that scares me.  It’s the getting down, Black Crow…It seemed so easy getting here—just put one foot on the branch then another and…Oh, I’ve tried going down already.  I put my foot on a branch, but it’s slippery now.  See?  It’s like the sludge at the bottom of the pig trough.  And you do not want be climbing down from the clouds on pig sludge!  I’d fly off and land down there in a broken bone pile. And, then everyone would just say, “Well, that’s Jack. He doesn’t know how to climb down, poor slow boy.”
     (pause)
And I guess they’d be right.  CLICK FOR ENTIRE THE BEANSTALK MONOLOGUE.


THE DOG TOENAIL (excerpt from Free Space)
Genre: DARK COMEDY
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: A CAN FACTORY
Age range: 14-30 years old
Description: Ricky is a hardworking, kind and straight-forward young man at the local cannery.  When Amelia comes to visit him, she confesses to a mistake her family has made.  Ricky attempts to make her feel better about this.

____________________

RICKY

Mistakes happen though.  To you and your mom, and it happened here at the cannery once—a lady came in a few months ago and said that she found a dog toenail in her can of corn!  And that was not on the label.   She was gonna sue us or something, but then the foreman gave her a free case full of canned corn and also some canned peas, because she said she really liked peas a lot better than corn anyway.  I told her if she just got the canned peas instead of the corn in the first place, she wouldn’ta had this problem and it woulda saved her some time that morning.  CLICK FOR COMPLETE THE DOG TOENAIL MONOLOGUE

Click for the entire hard-copy play, Free Space, from which "The Dog Toenail" monologue comes. Click for an immediate downloadable copy of Free Space.


THE PLUM COLORED SWEATER
Genre: COMEDY/DRAMA
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: A CLOTHING STORE
Age Range: 13-25
years old
Description: Jasmine, a beautiful girl in her late teens or early twenties, speaks to her friend, a successful businessman.  She builds up her case of why he should buy a specific sweater for her.

JASMINE

I want to go shopping.  And not just that typical “girl shopping” where you try on seven pairs of low rise jeans and four tank tops in different shades of blue.  I don’t need to check to make sure the camel belt looks just right around my….  I don’t need to try on anything—because I know exactly what I want.  Right now.
     (pause)
I want a new sweater. 

     (pause)
And I know I already have a bunch of sweaters, and you’re right—they fit fine.  They fit well.  Beautifully.  And I love them.  Really—every one.  Well, except for the pilled up grey one.  I should really just get rid it.  But the others…I wouldn’t stop wearing them.  I just…See, I didn’t even know I wanted a new one.  You know me.  Practical.  I don’t buy what I don’t need.  At least since I lost all that money, I don’t.  And I even saw this sweater, a few weeks ago.  On Lilah.  And I thought to myself, that’s a cool sweater.  I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it.  But Lilah has it.  It’s hers, and…I know you’re not a girl, but…you know how Eva dropped that blueberry cheesecake on my lap at Junior Prom?  Got that caramel sauce all over me?  Well, that wasn’t because she’s clumsy.  It was because I came in a sequin dress too.  And that wasn’t even the same color!  So…I don’t really want to do that to Lilah.  Or have her to anything to me.  We run in the same dance circle, you know?

     (pause)
But this…is…the same sweater.  The same cut, the same beautiful purple-plum color, so rich, but light at the same time.  That same softness, mixed with a little of something else to make it…rougher?  It’s just…it’s a perfect sweater…So I would never have even thought of buying it, but...
I think it wants me.  I know that sounds weird—it’s just a sweater—but...CLICK FOR ENTIRE THE PLUM COLORED SWEATER MONOLOGUE.