Tara Meddaugh

1-MINUTE MONOLOGUES

A Life Spurred Into Meaningful Adventure monologue: drama/comedy/teen, female
A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean monologue: comedy/children’s/teen, male/female
Apple Pie Pain, monologue: comedy/drama, female
Boringest. Ghost. Ever., monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN’S/DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE/MALE/ANY GENDER, Setting: Bedroom
Candy Wrappers at Midnight, monologue: children’s/comedic, male/female/any gender
Christmas Kale, monologue comedy/children/teen/Christmas, male/female/any gender
Christmas Superpowers, monologue: comedy/children/teen, male/female/any gender
Claire, My Eclair, monologue, teen version. comedy/drama/teen, male
Cloudlily The Unicorn & Zoey, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN/TEEN/ADULT, Cast: FEMALE/MALE/ANY GENDER, Setting: FORESTLife
Cotton Candy Ice Cream Cone, monologue Genre: CHILDREN’S/COMEDY, Cast: FEMALE/MALE Setting: ICE CREAM SHOP
Dinner at Canale's, monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY/DRAMA, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: DINING ROOM
F For Friendship, monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY/THRILLER/TEEN/DRAMATIC Cast: FEMALE Setting: WOODS
Forbidden in the Elf Manual, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHRISTMAS, Cast MALE/FEMALE/ANY GENDER, Setting: CLASSROOM
Forgiveness and Defeat at a Pokemon Gym Genre: COMEDY/TEEN/CHILDREN, cast MALE (female), Setting: A PARKING LOT
Grinching Mom by guest playwright, 6-year-old, Luke B. Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN, cast MALE/FEMALE, Setting: Child’s bedroom
Hallmark Christmas Romcoms Are Stressing Me Out, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/CHRISTMAS, cast FEMALE, Setting: outside a school
I Don’t Wanna Be A Jedi, monologue Genre: CHILDREN/COMEDIC (DRAMATIC), Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: BEDROOM
If I Were a Kind of Flower, monologue Genre: CHILDREN'S/TWEEN/PRETEEN/COMEDY/DRAMA, Cast: FEMALE/MALE, Setting: A CAFE
Iowa Is Gonna Be So Jealous, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/TEEN/CHILDREN, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: SAFARI JEEP
Ipad Fury, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S/TEEN, Cast MALE/FEMALE, Setting: A MINIVAN
Livvy's Vase, monologue Genre: DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE (male), Setting: HOUSE
Mr. Swimmie, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S Cast: FEMALE/MALE Setting: A HOME
My Missing Skittles, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN/TEEN Cast: MALE/FEMALE Setting: KITCHEN
Pit Trap Meredith monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY/DRAMA, Cast: FEMALE (male/any gender), Setting: RIVERBANK
Santa's Lousy Job, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: STORE
Second-Hand Dirt, monologue Genre: DRAMA/COMEDY/CHILDREN/TEEN, Cast: FEMALE/MALE, Setting: Garden
Shelley Knows, monologue Genre: THRILLER/DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: A bedroom
Shepherd Superheroes monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: A CHURCH
She's So Ugly, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/DARK COMEDY/TEEN, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: BEDROOM
Skunk Moms, a trio of monologues Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S Cast: FEMALE (MALE) Setting: A HOME
Snowman Versus Sun, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN’S, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: Outside in Winter
Teddy Shouldn't Go to Space monologue, by guest playwright, 8-year-old Dylan B. Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN/TEEN, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: Front Porch
The Beautiful Bracelet, monologue Genre: TEEN/DRAMATIC, Cast: FEMALE, Setting Coffee shop
The Meaning of Plants, 1-minute version, monologue Genre: DRAMA, Cast: FEMALE/MALE, Setting: DOG GROOMING SALON
The Mud Puddle, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S Cast: FEMALE (MALE) Setting: OUTSIDE, NEAR A MUD PUDDLE
The Real Value of Candy Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN’S Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: DENTIST’S OFFICE
The Reason I’m Single Monologue Genre: COMEDIC, Cast: FEMALE
The Thing About Mermaids, monologue Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN’S, Cast: FEMALE/MALE, Setting, PARK
Those Jimmy Choo Shoes, monologue Genre: COMEDY/DRAMA, Cast: FEMALE, Setting: PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
Whack The Christmas Tree, Man, monologue Genre: COMEDIC/DRAMATIC/CHRISTMAS, Cast: MALE, Setting: Christmas Tree Farm
What My Fangs Are For monologue Genre: DARK COMEDY/THRILLER/DRAMA/CHILDREN/TEEN, Cast: MALE/FEMALE, Setting: Back Yard

 A LIFE SPURRED INTO MEANINGFUL ADVENTURE
Goldilocks’ Monologue
excerpted from the 10-minute play, A Life Spurred into Meaningful Adventure

About the play:
Goldilocks and Little Bear have run away from Little Bear’s house in the forest to start a new life together, one full of adventure and hope and away from judgmental eyes. However, they don’t quite know where they are going, how they will find their next meal, and Little Bear has never even made a shelter in the woods. Suddenly, the reality of two young friends on their own in the woods, does not seem as carefree as they once envisioned. To read the 10-minute play, A Life Spurred into Meaningful Adventure, click here.

About the monologue:
Goldilocks, the clear leader of the pair, confesses to Little Bear that, despite her apparent confidence, she actually does not know where they are going. As Little Bear appears to be having second thoughts, Goldilocks does not know if her dear friend deserves to have a life without loving parents, like the one she has been ill-fated to endure. She expresses her gratitude of their friendship, but gives him the freedom to return to his protective and loving family, as the adventure she is embarking on will not be easy.

DETAILS
Genre: DRAMA/TEEN/COMEDY/CHILDREN
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: A FOREST
Age range: 10-20
Running time: 1-1.5 minutes

_______________________________

GOLDILOCKS

I…I don’t know where we’re going…We know your parents don’t accept me in your house.  And…I don’t have much of a home to offer you. (pause) You can go back, Little Bear. If you want to.  I mean—I’d understand.  You have a family that loves you.  You’re not like me. And…I don’t want you to become like me. Bears—They’re—they’re not meant to sleep in beds. But—look, maybe I’m not meant to be scavenging a forest for berries, and yet—this is where I am.  And…this is my life.  This is my adventure…but it doesn’t have to be yours....END OF EXCERPT

Click below for Goldilocks’s complete monologue of “A Life Spurred into Meaningful Adventure.”

To read the complete 10-minute play, A Life Spurred into Meaningful Adventure click below:

A WASTE OF A TOTALLY GOOD JELLY BEAN

STEVEN, a boy (ages 5-15) speaks to his dad. Steven has just shared his Easter jelly beans with his dad who has gobbled up a handful of them all at once. Steven implores his dad to eat the jelly beans the “right” way.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S/TEEN
Cast: MALE/FEMALE
Setting: A kitchen
Age range: 5-15 years old
Run time: 1 minute

____________________

STEVEN

There is a wrong way. There's really a wrong way and you're doing it, Dad! You're doing it so wrong wrong wrong wrong! You're totally wasting them! You know how hard it was for me to get those? I mean, I waited all year...since last Easter. And—I—I—I don't mind sharing with you. Really. I like it when I can give you something that I really like and you like it too. But—this—this is just wrong, Dad. When someone gives you 20 jelly beans, and they're all different flavors like popcorn and chocolate pudding and blueberry, you don't just—you don't just shove them all in your mouth at once! Then you don't taste anything and it's just this giant blob of like, I don't know, sugary melted plastic or something. You gotta—END OF EXCERPT.
Click below for the complete monologue of "A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean."

APPLE PIE PAIN

HOLLY, is a mother in her 20s-50s. She is at home in the living room. She speaks to her husband, Jesse, who has been watching tv.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDIC
Cast: FEMALE
Age range: 20-50s
Setting: A living room
Running time: 1-1.5 minutes

HOLLY

My hands are raw—look at them!  I have so many cracks—do you know it stings when I squeeze the lemons? Yeah, it does. I bet you didn’t think about that yesterday.  When you and the boys were sauntering around the apple orchard—picking all that low hanging fruit that even Sammy could reach. Eating cider donuts and launching rotten apples out of the apple canon. Oh, I know you had fun while I was working at the hospital and brought me back this, what, I don’t know, bushel of apples? Yes, I say brought me back because no one else planned on washing all that white pesticide off of them, right?—END OF EXCERPT
Click for the complete free monologue, APPLE PIE PAIN. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

BORINGEST. GHOST. EVER

Ayla is frustrated that her middle-of-the-night visitor won’t play with her, won’t talk until the wee hours of the night with her, and won’t even tell her what her name is! Instead, this girl in the odd dress just keeps…well…standing there. Staring at Ayla. Being the boringest ghost she’s ever seen.

DETAILS:
Genre: Drama/Comedy/Children/Halloween
Running time: Approximately 1 minute
Cast: Any gender
Age range: Child
Setting: bedroom at night
Time period: contemporary

AYLA

Why do you always come to my room if you never want to play? I have so much stuff to do in here, and I even got a new Lego set I haven’t opened yet, and we could stay up all night and no one would know! (pause) But you won’t talk to me. Or even sing! (pause) Are you gonna at least tell me your name tonight? So I don’t have to keep calling you ‘girl in the ripped up old dress?’ —END OF EXCERPT. CLICK BELOW for the complete 1-minute children’s monologue, BORINGEST. GHOST. EVER.

CANDY WRAPPERS AT MIDNIGHT

ADRIAN wakes up in the middle of the night and confronts his father who stands by the kitchen pantry, guiltily holding Adrian’s Halloween candy wrappers.

Genre: Comedic/Children
Age range: 5-15
Cast: Male/female
Setting: Kitchen home
Running time: 30-60 seconds 
Originally commissioned by American Pageants, Inc. 

____________________________

ADRIAN

Now you’re the one looking guilty, Dad. I know that face. I made that same face last night when you found me past bedtime on my iphone. But we’re not talking about me now, are we? Cause I’m not the one with candy wrappers in my hands at midnight!—END OF EXCERPT

Click below for the complete 30-60 second monologue, Candy Wrappers at Midnight. NOTE: This monologue is adapted/edited from Tara’s previous monologue, My Missing Skittles.

CHRISTMAS KALE
From the one-act play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen
By Tara Meddaugh

About the play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen (from which this monologue comes):
To four children, Christmas is no simple sleigh ride.  Annie’s new best friend is a talking reindeer, and she’s not sure if that’s really okay. Sam is experiencing the pressure of being the Lead Shepherd in the church pageant.  Dylan has a very secretive wish he hopes Santa can deliver. And Lauren needs to make sure someone is giving her little brother a very special Christmas. Experience the joys and challenges of Christmas through the eyes of these children in this monologue-driven one-act comedy.

 About the monologue, Christmas Kale:
It is Christmas morning and Sam speaks to his parents. He is outraged that Santa has, yet again, given him oranges in his stocking, despite his previous complaints that he doesn’t like them. Since Santa has not heeded his requests, he devises a simple plan that will teach Santa a lesson.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Children/Tween/Teen
Cast: Male/female
Age range: 5-12
Setting: Christmas morning, his home
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

_____________________

SAM

Oh….! Not again! Not again! Not again!  I’ve told him so many times! I! Don’t! Like! Oranges! (pause) But every year—he keeps putting them in my stocking!  I don’t want oranges! They’re messy! And I can’t peel them myself! And the stringy stuff always gets stuck in my teeth. I don’t like oranges! (pause) Travis gets a chocolate truck every year in his stocking. He just lives two minutes away!  It’s the same—END OF EXCERPT

Click below for the complete 1-minute children’s comedic monologue, Christmas Kale.

To learn about Sam, and for the complete one-act children’s comedy play, CHRISTMAS SUPERPOWERS AND BELIEVING IN BLITZEN, click below:

CHRISTMAS SUPERPOWERS
from the one-act comedy, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen
DYLAN, a boy of 5-10 years old, sits on Santa’s lap at the mall. He’s behaved very well this year in preparation for his Christmas gift request. This year he’s hoping for something big. Something he is confident Santa can deliver on. He wants superpowers. Not too much to ask, right?

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: A mall
Age range: 5-10 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

____________________

DYLAN

I really don’t think it’s too much to ask. I’ve done everything you told me to in your letter last year. I’ve stopped hitting my little brother. I don’t complain—very much—when I have to do homework. I even donated seven toys to Goodwill yesterday ‘cause Mom said I didn’t have enough room for anything more. So I’m ready, Santa. I’m only asking you for one thing this year. And you can try to steer me away from it all you want by telling me about how you made a new truck this year and how I can do hundreds of things with a big set of blocks and how there are some funny books out there you know I’ll like. But it won’t stop me from asking for it. It’s why I’ve been so good this year and why I know you’re going to listen to me.  So I’ll tell you again. (leans it) I want a—END OF EXCERPT.
Click below for the complete monologue of "Christmas Superpowers."

For the entire play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen, from which this monologue comes, click below:

CLAIRE, MY ECLAIR
ANDRES, a boy around 16 years old, talks to his ex-girlfriend, Claire. He begs her for forgiveness in stealing from her father, and pleads that she consider how his actions were always for the benefit of their relationship.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDIC/DRAMATIC/TEEN monologue
Cast: MALE
Setting: Outside of a school
Age Range: 13-20
Running time: approximately 1 minute long

_________________

ANDRES

Claire, Claire—my éclair…My chocolatey, sweet treat, my—okay, okay! I’ll stop!  Don’t leave!  I won’t call you that. I guess—I don’t deserve to call you that, do I? You’re not my—you’re not my éclair now. Not anymore. I’m just—if you’re sweet then I’m, I’m a—a—a—a Tylenol, like when you chew it up. All bitter and gross. That’s me. I know it, Claire. I’m a gross chewed up Tylenol, and you don’t deserve that. Why would you talk to me? Why would you even look at me after what I did? (pause) But you do look at me. And that’s just because—that’s just because you’re so perfect. You’re like, the most incredible person in the world, and I was so lucky for those two months to be part of such an incredible person’s life. (pause) And, I want you to know, I mean, I hope you already do—but…I know I messed up.  You trusted me...END OF EXCERPT.
Click for complete free monologue of “Claire, My Eclair.”

This monologue is free to download above, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

CLOUDLILY THE UNICORN & ZOEY
a comedy

Cloudlily, a rainbow unicorn, looooves all the “thoughtful” gifts her young admirer, Zoey, brings her every day in the magical forest. Sure, weeds and clumps of dirt are nice, since they’re given with the pure heart of a 4-year-old. But… Cloudlily thinks it’s time she can put in a request for a gift that’s a little more…well…yummy.

DETAILS 
Genre: Comedy, fantasy
Cast: Female/male/any gender                                      
Age range: children through adult
Setting: magical forest
Time period: Present
Running time: Approximately 30 seconds-1 minute

CLOUDLILY

(to Zoey, a girl of around 4)               

Zoey. I love the dandelions and clovers and…clumps of dirt you keep bringing me every day. They’re all really cool and special and I know it’s super fun watching my magical unicorn horn turn them into rainbow colors and make them dance and stuff like that.

But I hear——END OF EXCERPT
Click here to for the complete free monologue, Cloudlily The Unicorn & Zoey. The monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

COTTON CANDY ICE CREAM CONE

 Yuri is at an ice cream shop. She has a two-scoop ice cream cone and breaks the bad news to her dog, Bailey, that he can’t share her ice cream. It has some chocolate in it, which she knows is bad for dogs. He doesn’t want to die from chocolate, does he? But maybe if he stops chewing her shoes…she will let him have the cone.

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedy/Children’s
Running time: Around 1 minute
Cast: Female/male
Age range: 5 years old through teen
Setting: Ice cream shop
Time period: Contemporary

____________________

YURI

I bet this ice cream looks good to you, doesn’t it? It is good. I’m not gonna pretend it’s bad even if you makes you jealous that you can’t have it. ‘Cause Mom said I should never lie unless it’s about my age so we can get the cheaper tickets to places. The first scoop is cotton candy, and it’s melting already, but it’s still not as messy as real cotton candy, which is so sticky. And I bet my tongue is blue from it, right? Can you see if it’s blue? Oh, wait. I don’t think you see color. Can you?—END OF EXCERPT
Click for the complete free monologue, Cotton Candy Ice Cream Cone.

This monologue is free to download above, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

DINNER AT CANALE'S
A dark comedy monologue
Vicky has found evidence that her husband, Peter, has been cheating on her and she now confronts him. There is a gun on the table between them, and she implores him to lie to her, so that she is not tempted to actually use the gun against him.

DETAILS
Genre: DARK COMEDY/DRAMA
Setting: DINING ROOM
Age Range: 20s-50s
Running Time: 1 MINUTE

___________________

VICKY

Can you please not make me do this?  Just don’t—just don’t tell me what happened.  If you don’t tell me, if I don’t know, then I can’t react.  Right?  Just, let’s keep it simple, okay?    I don’t wanna—I don’t wanna do anything that…you know, that we’ll both regret later?  And…(pause) God, I wish you hadn’t left that gun right there.  It’s just—I can’t stop playing with it now…and you left the safety off, and I…Peter, just tell me you love me and you didn’t cheat on me last night and...END OF EXCERPT
CLICK FOR THE COMPLETE FREE MONOLOGUE, Dinner at Canale's. This monologue is free to download above, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

F FOR FRIENDSHIP
Michelle is having a casual conversation with fellow mean girl, Alicia. Alicia has complimented Michelle’s nails and shoes, but for some reason, Michelle isn’t buying it. She’s not buying it because Michelle has just beaten up Alicia and Michelle is now holding a gun. Michelle is sick of Alicia’s back-stabbing and the way she treats other people and she has been trying to purge the high school of mean girls, just like Alicia.

DETAILS
Genre: dark comedy/dramatic/thriller/teen monologue
Age range: teen-young adult
Running time: approximately 1 minute

*Contains mature language in the pdf purchase of monologue, although substitutions are also included as an alternative. For the website excerpt, only the substitutions are written (no mature language)

_____________________________

MICHELLE

Now you’ll talk to me, right? Now you’ll smile…and tell me you like my shoes and My God, did I do my nails myself because they’re so perfect?  (pause) You little back-stabbing snob.(pause) Your voice is a little shaky, you see. So I don’t know if I should believe you.  (playing with gun) Because my nails are actually chipping, Alicia.  See?—END OF EXCERPT
For the complete 1-minute monologue, F For Friendship, click below:

FORBIDDEN IN THE ELF MANUAL
A monologue from GRINCHING 101

About the play, GRINCHING 101:
Grinch professors, Sourpuss Fuddy Duddy and Killjoy Cactus Snarl, are pleased to find their Grinching 101 classroom filled with eager elf-students desiring to learn the art of becoming a grinch. However, the class of bright-eyed cheerful students are blatantly failing. Every. Single. Lesson. Are the elves really that dull? Are they actually trying? Or is there some other reason they’re all in this class…? And is there anything, like, anything at all, that maybe…just maybe… the grinches can learn from the sugar-loving, compliment-spewing elves?
For the complete play, Grinching 101, click here.

About the monologue, Forbidden in the Elf Manual:
The Grinching 101 professors have expressed frustration in their inept class of elves and wonder why they are even enrolled in the course. Tootsie Frosted Cookie Stockings explains his reasoning for signing up for Grinching 101: It’s all about the videogames.

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedic/Children/Teen/Christmas
Running time: Approximately 1 minute
Cast: Male (or any gender)
Age range: Any age
Setting: A Grinching 101 Classroom at the North Pole
Time period: contemporary

EXCERPT below:

TOOTSIE FROSTED COOKIE STOCKINGS 

(clarifying name for the Grinching Professors who hate hearing the elves’ long ridiculous sugary names) It’s Tootsie Frosted Cookie Stockings. And the reason I came here today—the reason I thought I might actually be a bit of a grinch inside is that…well…I know this is going to terrify everyone, so brace yourself. But… (ELVES lean in) I hate making snowballs. (ELVES gasp) And sledding. (ELVES gasp) And frolicking in the snow at all really. I mostly just wanna play videogames. And not like, “Fill Santa’s Sleigh” videogames. I’ve—END OF EXCERPT
Click here for the free monologue, Forbidden in the Elf Manual. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

To read the entire play, GRINCHING 101, from which this monologue comes, click below:

FORGIVENESS AND DEFEAT AT A POKEMON GYM

Benjamin, a boy of around 16 years old, is at a Stop and Shop grocery store parking lot, around midnight. He is speaking with his long time friend (and probably crush), Evie, who is quite angry with him.  Unknowingly, he has defeated the pokemon gym belonging to her team, and now he needs to prove he would never battle with her on purpose...but is it too late?

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/TEEN/CHILDREN'S
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: In a parking lot of a grocery store. Late at night.
Age range: 12-20 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 to 1.5 minutes long

 _____________________

BENJAMIN

I know you’re mad—I just saw your post of that face with the flames coming out of its head, and I’m just—aw, Evie, I know it looks bad.  I know you won’t believe me, but listen, it’s not, it’s just, it’s not what it looks like. (pause) How was I supposed to know it was you?  You’re a—you’re a girl with really long hair, but your avatar looks kind of like a boy with short hair.   Which is fine, but I mean, right there, that should show you I’m innocent.  And—I never would have thought you’d choose yellow.  Your favorite color is blue—it’s always been blue…like your eyes…And look at your bike, Evie—it’s blue too.  It still has those butterfly decals you put on when you were nine.  I put on the lightning bolts (pause) I know there isn’t much I can do now—END OF EXCERPT.
Click below for the complete monologue of "Forgiveness and Defeat at a Pokemon Gym."

GRINCHING MOM
By guest playwright, 6-year-old, Luke B.

Max, a child, around 8 years old, is standing in the doorway, holding his mom’s lamp. His mom catches him, red-handed, about to take her lamp into his bedroom. Max offers her an explanation of this theft, which might not be what you think—and tries to convince her he is not to blame.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Children
Cast: male or female, child
Setting: A child’s bedroom
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

__________________________

MAX

Well, I know it looks weird for me to hold your lamp in my hand, but I have a good reason. My light doesn’t work! (smirks) You don’t believe me? (pause) I was grinching it! What? You don’t know what grinching is! It’s when someone takes something. It’s from the grinch movie. Remember? We watch it a lot. It’s like where the grinch goes over house to house stealing everything. Can’t I have a little fun, Mom? All— END OF EXCERPT
Click below to purchase the entire monologue:

HALLMARK CHRISTMAS ROMCOMS ARE STRESSING ME OUT

Scarlett and Maia are waiting outside their children’s school for afternoon pickup. Scarlett comes clean to Maia about how she is having trouble holding up her end of a commitment they made together: to watch all the Hallmark Christmas romcoms that come out this season and discuss together. There are just too many movies that have come out and Scarlett can’t catch up! Watching Hallmark Christmas romcoms seems to be the most stressful part of this Christmas season!

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedic/Christmas
Running time: Approximately 1-1.5 minutes
Cast: Female (or any gender)
Age range: 20s-50s
Setting: Outside a school, December
Time period: contemporary 

SCARLETT 

I’ll never be able to finish in time. Maia—I can’t—I can’t do it. I’ve got—Lucy’s Christmas cookie exchange and that White Elephant thing at work and it’s like, every night, there’s something—a play or a concert or some light display we have to go to. And look—all of this is fine. I can manage it. I’ve been managing it for years. And I thought I could make time to build this new tradition with you…. But… (pause) I had no idea Hallmark was going to do double features all Thanksgiving weekend! (pause) I can’t—END OF EXCERPT

Click below for the complete monologue,  HALLMARK CHRISTMAS ROMCOMS ARE STRESSING ME OUT.

I DON’T WANNA BE A JEDI

Joel has had enough of pretending to love Star Wars for his dad. He can handle eating some Star Wars donuts, but his dad has gone too far when he expects Joel to wear Jedi pajamas. Joel needs to break this tough news to his dad. Star Wars just isn’t for him. Captain Underpants is more his style.

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedy/Children’s
Running time: Around 1 minute
Cast: Male/Female
Age range: 5 years old through teen
Setting: Joel’s bedroom
Time period: Contemporary

____________________

JOEL

I tried Dad, I really tried. I watched all those movies with you and ate the donut holes you decorated like BB8. But these Jedi pajamas? I can’t do it anymore! I can’t keep pretending. You’re old enough to know the truth, Dad. So…the truth? I hate how Luke’s father is a bad guy and talks like he’s old and sick. I don’t like the love stories or how they keep fighting each other, and you say the aliens are funny and I’ll like them, but I just think they’re weird. (pause) Aw, Dad…you’re not gonna cry, are you? I know this is hard to hear ‘cause you have a lightsaber keychain with sound effects, and on May 4th, you say—END OF EXCERPT

Click below for the complete monologue of "I Don’t Wanna Be A Jedi.”

IF I WERE A KIND OF FLOWER

Anibel speaks to her older sister, Gracie, at a café. Anibel expresses joy that her newly planted daffodils actually came up for the first year, but also expresses concern that they will die in the Spring snowstorm. Her mother has faith in the daffodil’s strength, but Anibel is not so certain. She imagines how she would respond to the snow, if she were a daffodil.

DETAILS
Genre: DRAMA/CHILDREN
Cast: FEMALE (male)
Setting: A CAFE
Age range: 5-11
Length: Approximately 1-1.5 minutes

_____________________

ANIBEL

Do you know the daffodils I planted last year actually came up? They did! I was like, “What are these little yellow hats doing in the grass?” And then I was like, “They’re not hats, Anibel! They’re your daffodils!” It worked, Gracie! I planted them with Mom and she said they would come up and I didn’t believe her but they did come up! (pause) But then now, there’s all this snow covering them, and it’s already Spring, and it’s not right, but the world keeps getting weirder and weirder. (pause) I don’t want my daffodils to die, Gracie… (pause) Mom said daffodils are really strong and excited for Spring, like me, and that’s why they come up so quickly after Winter. She thinks they’ll survive the snow. (pause) I don’t know if I believe her, but if I were a daffodil, I would—END OF EXCERPT

Click for the complete free pdf of the monologue, If I Were A Kind of Flower. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

IOWA IS GONNA BE SO JEALOUS

RYAN is a boy, around 7-18 years old. He is on a South African safari with his parents. He is in the safari jeep. A camping pack has just fallen off the jeep and a rhino charged at it while the jeep was driving. Ryan speaks to his parents.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDIC/TEEN/CHILDREN
Cast: MALE/FEMALE
Setting: SAFARI JEEP
Age range: 7-18
Running time: Approximately 1 - 1.5 minutes

_____________________

RYAN

Did you see it? Did you see him charge? Like—I’ve—he charged, Mom!  Dad—did you see him charge? That’s—you know rhinos can’t really see well? Did you know that? I mean, they charge before they even know what they’re charging at and—that could have been us! You know? It was just the tent pack that fell off the jeep, but—man…It could have been us! (pause) This is the best trip ever!! (quick pause) First, there’s no hot water at the camp during the day so, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you haven’t made me take a shower since Thursday!  And remember how the camp kitchen wasn’t working yesterday so we got to have Lucky Charms and popcorn at dinner?  Plus, when you guys fell asleep last night, I played on my Kindle for 4 hours and got to level 5 in Geometry Dash Meltdown!  I knew a safari would be cool. I mean—END OF EXCERPT
Click for a free pdf of complete monologue, Iowa Is Gonna Be So Jealous. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

IPAD FURY

JUSTIN, a boy, 7-15 years old, is sitting in the driver’s side of his mom’s Toyota Sienna minivan. The keys are in the ignition, the doors are locked. The window is open about 1 inch. Justin’s mom is standing next to the driver’s side of the car, locked out.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast MALE/FEMALE
Setting: A MINIVAN
Age range: 7-15 years old
Running time: approximately 1 minute long

________________________

JUSTIN

Just because I’m not a teenager yet doesn’t mean I can’t drive a car. You think I won’t do it?  I might not be good at it, but remember how long it took me to tie my shoes? I had those laces in knots no one knew what to do with, for years, but I didn’t stop. I just kept practicing. You say it’s good to be a hard worker.  Well, my strength is also my weakness, I guess.  Look at how that came to bite you, Mom. Because you know all it would take is for me to put this Sienna in reverse. Just back it out of the driveway nice and slow or maybe not nice and slow. Maybe fast and--END OF EXCERPT
CLICK BELOW FOR THE COMPLETE MONOLOGUE OF "IPAD FURY."

 LIVVY'S VASE
Adapted from the ten-minute play, Holding Ginger.

Jenna is standing in the hallway of her house.  Her older sister, Livvy, is near her, and they’ve both witnessed Jenna’s running through the hall and knocking over Livvy’s (empty) glass vase. There is broken glass on the floor.

DETAILS
Genre: DRAMATIC/COMEDIC
Cast: FEMALE (male)
Setting: HOUSE
Age range: 5-13 years old
Running time: approximately 1-1.5 minutes long

_________________________

JENNA

Uh oh…uh oh…I’m sorry!  I’m so...I’ll clean it up! Right now!  I’ll—I didn’t do it on purpose. You know that, right?  It was an accident! I was just running through—I know I’m not supposed to be running through the hall, but…Ginger was chasing that ball and I was trying to catch him…Come on.  I’m sorry.  Okay?  I just bumped into it by accident…I’m cleaning it up, see?  Even though Mom would probably be mad I’m touching glass like this and you’re not helping even though you’re older than I am.  But look—I’m doing it!  I’m really sorry, Livvy.   You’ve had that vase for…I don’t know…when did that boy give it to you?  You were…were you my age?  Maybe older.  No boy has given me flowers yet—END OF EXCERPT
CLICK FOR THE COMPLETE free monologue, LIVVY'S VASE. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

Click below for the entire play, Holding Ginger, from which the "Livvy's Vase" monologue comes.

MR. SWIMMIE
Chloe tries to convince her mom she has matured since she let her pet fish die, and now she is ready to take care of a puppy.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: FEMALE/MALE
Setting: A HOME
Age range: 4-10 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

_____________________

CHLOE

I know Mr. Swimmie died, but this is different. Mr. Swimmie was weird as soon as we got him. Half the time he swam backwards, remember? I’m not a veterinarian but I do not think fish are supposed to swim backwards. I did try to feed him—when I thought of it. You know, like when you bake that chocolate cherry cake I love or even if you were making that gross pot roast that stinks up the house. I had to think of food because I was smelling it. So I’d feed him. Like, every day. Honest! (pause) So I know I forgot a few days. I’m not perfect like Emily, ok? Maybe I was —END OF EXCERPT
CLICK FOR COMPLETE FREE MR. SWIMMIE MONOLOGUE This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

MY MISSING SKITTLES
Sal, a child 5-12 years old, has woken up in the middle of the night to find his father by the kitchen pantry, holding several Skittles’ candy wrappers in his hand. Sal confronts his dad about where his dad may have gotten this candy from, just days after Sal’s Halloween candy was put away into this very closet…

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN/TEEN
Cast: MALE/FEMALE
Age range: 5-10 years old
Setting: KITCHEN
Running Time: Approximately 1 minute

_______________________

SAL

Now you’re the one looking guilty, Dad. I know that face. I made that same face last night when you asked if I was playing with my Ipad after I went to bed. You could hear the fighting sounds. You knew I was. But we’re not talking about me right now. Are we? Cause I’m not the one standing by the closet with Skittles’ wrappers in my hands. Did you buy Skittles tonight, Dad? Cause I didn’t think you bought candy at stores. I thought you just bought milk and Band-Aids at stores, and only when Mom asked you to. Not Skittles. (pause) But I do remember what happened 2 nights ago when…END OF EXCERPT.
CLICK BELOW FOR COMPLETE MONOLOGUE.

PIT TRAP MEREDITH
A dark comedy

ABOUT THE MONOLOGUE, PIT TRAP MEREDITH:
Meredith has been searching for her wounded sister, Selina, and is happy to find her at last. Selina is upset with Meredith, however, thinking she abandoned her in a tree stump, just like all the other rabbits abandoned her after she was injured. In this monologue, Meredith defends the unjust accusation.

ABOUT THE PLAY, THE MOON RIVER RAFT:
When the rabbit, Selina, breaks her leg, she knows she will not survive long in a forest filled with predators. While the rest of her rabbit colony has ostracized her as a “magnet of death,” her sister, Meredith, remains loyal and plans to keep her safe by hiding her in a tree stump forever. But when Meredith finds Selina at a very creepy river in the middle of the night, Selina reveals a secret she has learned from the elder-rabbits that will save her: The Moon River Raft is arriving tonight and will take all “woundeds” to a perfect place where injuries are healed and no predators exist. Selina pleads with Meredith to come with her, but Meredith has serious doubts. As the Moon River Raft approaches, their fate becomes clear and their loyalty to each other is truly tested.

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedy/Drama/dark comedy
Running time: Approximately 30 seconds-1 minute
Cast: Female (could be any gender)
Age range: Teen-adult
Setting: Middle of the night, in a forest, by a riverbank
Time period: contemporary

MEREDITH 

Don’t lump me in with them! Who sleeps with you every night and grooms you every day? You know I’m different! Do you see all the mud in my fur? Probably ticks too—I haven’t had time to clean. I tried to get to you sooner, Selina—as soon as the dogs left. But the other rabbits trapped me in a pit. They said it was a game, but I’ve never heard of “Pit Trap Meredith.” Have you? (pause) They wouldn’t let me out until sunset but—END OF EXCERPT

Click here for the complete free monologue, Pit Trap Meredith. Click here to learn more about the play The Moon River Raft, from which this monologue comes. The monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

To get the complete play, The Moon River Raft, from which this monologue comes, click below:

SANTA'S LOUSY JOB
From the one-act comedy, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen
LAUREN sits on Santa’s lap at the mall. She informs him of her poor job gift-giving last year. She does not simply want stuffed animals this year because she’s a girl. Girls can build things too. This year, she wants some legos. And he can bring her little brother a stuffed animal.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: A STORE
Age range: 5-10 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

____________________

LAUREN

You did a really bad job last year. I know I’m just a kid, and I know they say what you do is hard, but I mean, I could have done a way better job. And I’m not even 10.  Like, here’s a tip. Girls like to build things too. Okay?  If you knew me at all, you’d know that. You give my brother, like, 4 Lego packages and you give me, what? A stuffed dog, a stuffed rabbit with a baby rabbit, a stuffed kangaroo with a baby kangaroo and a…what was the other one?  A stuffed alligator. With an egg. I mean, do you think I’m like those babies who throw everything at people’s heads so you have to only give me soft things so if I throw them I’m not gonna hurt anyone? Do you know how bored those poor babies are who only have stuffed animals?—END OF EXCERPT. CLICK FOR THE FREE COMPLETE SANTA'S LOUSY JOB MONOLOGUE. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

For the entire play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen, from which this monologue comes, click below:

SECOND-HAND DIRT
From the full-length play, Movements of the Wind, 2nd movement, Sharing Soil
Carrot has just run away from mean carrots who have bitten off her carrot tip, and has been alone crying. Soon, Potato ambles by, and Carrot mistakes her for a lumpy brown carrot. Carrot is embarrassed and hurt from her run-in with the bullying carrots and speaks harshly to the potato. Potato thinks Carrot is acting mean to her. In this monologue, Carrot explains her failed attempts of being accepted into the mainstream carrot group.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Teen/Drama/Allegory
Cast: Female (male)
Age range: 12-20
Setting: Garden
Running time: Approximately 45 seconds - 1 minute

______________________ 

CARROT

They’re always picking at me. The carrots at the north end. Just because I’m beautiful, and strong! (pause) I’m not mean! (pause) Well, they make me mean. (pause) I usta be nice.  Too nice, I guess.  You know, when Carrot 92’s mother got taken away, I offered her some of the moistest soil I had.  I’d been guarding that soil ever since I can remember.  And I’m still young and growing, you know?  But I offer it to her anyway!  And you know what she does? END OF EXCERPT

CLICK HERE for the free, complete monologue, Second-Hand Dirt. This monologue is free to download above, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

To read the complete full-length play, Movements of the Wind, from which this monologue comes, click below:

To read only the 10-minute movement, Sharing Soil, from Movements of the Wind, click below:

SHELLEY KNOWS
Louise, riddled with guilt after murdering Shelley in a fit of passion, fears this friend may be coming for her, from beyond the grave…She speaks to her husband.

DETAILS
Genre: Dramatic/Thriller
Setting: Bedroom
Cast: Female
Age range: 20s to any age
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

____________

LOUISE

She’s staring at me like she knows…It doesn’t matter that her eyes are closed. She sees through them. She sees through me. (pause) When I was four, I asked my priest if when we died, we got to read everyone’s mind, ‘cause, you know, my sister had just been hit by that car and I was afraid she’d find out where I hid my allowance. The priest said—END OF EXCERPT
Click for the cmoplete free monologue, Shelley Knows. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

SHEPHERD SUPERHEROES
from the one-act comedy, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen
SAM, a boy, 5-10 years old, is playing the part of a shepherd in a Christmas Pageant. It is the night of the performance and he, along with other shepherds, have been playing outside in the mud in their costumes.  They have returned to the church, moments before the performance is about to start and the pageant director is not happy. Sam speaks to the Pageant director, Mrs. Wendell.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: MALE (female)
Setting: A church
Age range: 5-10 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

 _____________________

  SAM

What you’re forgetting—I mean—think about it—what you’re forgetting is that, is that, is that, shepherds weren’t neat. They didn’t, like, have a washing machine or something.  They were out in the dirt with the sheep and stuff and probably had to, I don’t know, like, sleep in a mud puddle sometimes? If it was raining? And you told us to really try to think like our character, like, what would a shepherd be doing if he was just out there with the sheep all day? And like, I think, a shepherd would probably be playing. Because he has all those sheep to jump over and stuff, and maybe all the other shepherds to play with too, so I was thinking they’d probably be playing Superheroes—END OF EXCERPT
CLICK FOR ENTIRE FREE monologue, Shepherd Superheroes. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

For the entire play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen, from which this monologue comes, click below:

SHE'S SO UGLY
Skyler speaks to her friends about Hannah, a girl in their dance class, who is far from pretty. She pities poor Hannah being stuck with so many beautiful girls and illustrates just how ugly Hannah truly is. She has the idea to give her a make-over, but does not think any makeover could bring her even close to the extremely high caliber of the other beautiful girls. She comes to the realization that the only way to make Hannah appear prettier, is to make the pretty girls uglier. She recognizes this will be a challenge, as well, but they will not shy away from a challenge.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/DARK COMEDY/TEEN
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: A TEEN BEDROOM
Age range: 12-22
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

___________________

SKYLER

She’s so ugly, I feel so bad. No, seriously, I do, because I have, like, a really high level of empathy. I took a test online and I’m basically an empath. So think of walking in to school every day like that, and worse, oh my god, worse, our dance class, right? Everyone is so pretty in that class. We can’t help it. Attractive people like to dance and that’s not our fault and that’s not discrimination. It can’t be, because Hannah’s in that class, and well...(pause) She must feel so alone. Her poor face…oh my God, her poor hair and skin and eyes. Look, you guys know I think everyone is beautiful in their own way. You saw what my shirt said yesterday, right? “Being Beautiful Is Everyone’s Destiny.” Everyone’s. Not just mine. And I wouldn’t wear it if I didn’t believe it. You know I hold true to my convictions. It’s why everyone likes me. (pause) But Hannah…I mean, maybe we need to focus on her inner beauty, you know? And it’s like, we could do a make-over, and draw some beauty out, but, I really don’t think that’s enough. The standard in our class is just too high. So. I was thinking. You know how—END OF EXCERPT
Click below to purchase the entire monologue:

SKUNK MOMS
A trio of related monologues for children

JENNY (youngest), ALEXA (middle) and DEIRDRE (oldest) are sisters. They are speaking to their mother, pleading their case of why a baby skunk would make a good pet for their household.  Jenny makes the case of how cute they are. Alexa points out how she usually thinks Jenny is wrong, but in this case, she agrees and they must have a baby skunk.  Deirdre emphasizes how having a baby skunk will unite the three sisters, in getting along with each other, as well as learning responsibility. It is such a clear case to the sisters. They are so completely ready to be skunk moms. But is their mom?

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: FEMALE (male)
Setting: A home
Age range: 4-12 years old
Running times:
Jenny (youngest)—Around 30-60 seconds
Alexa (middle)—Around 1 minute
Deirdre (oldest)—Around 1-1.5 minutes

____________________

JENNY

No one gives skunks a chance because they stink, like really badly, but have you seen a baby skunk, Mom?  You would never say that if you had seen a baby skunk because we saw one yesterday, with Daddy, or really, it was a whole family of skunks. Like, a mom and four baby skunks, and we were in the car, and Daddy stopped the car because they were crossing the road and they were cuter than cats because their tails were so fluffy, like the rug you have on the chair that I put my face in sometimes, and there is no cat, I mean, not even one single cat in the whole universe, that has a tail that’s as fluffy at that. And--END OF EXCERPT
click for the complete trio of monologues, Skunk Moms.

____________________

ALEXA

You know Jenny is usually wrong, Mom. And I have to tell her all of her mistakes, like even this morning, she was saying that Canada is not a country, and that’s it part of the United States, but I was telling her, no, it’s a country, and they have accents and their own money and we even went to Niagara Falls and had to have passports, but she wouldn’t believe me because now that she’s in Kindergarten, she thinks she knows everything, but you and I, Mom, we know, because we’re older, that she’s wrong so many times. She even told me her teacher is a pokemon trainer. She’s not. Clearly. Pokemon aren’t real. So, like, if I agree with Jenny--END OF EXCERPT
click for the complete trio of monologues, Skunk Moms.

____________________

DEIRDRE

You might be a little scared thinking of a skunk living in our house, and spraying its yellow stink-poison all over the couch, but the thing is, it doesn’t have to be like that. You can take the sprayers out, wait, just listen—you can take them out, because Alexa and I asked Siri about and people do this. People really keep skunks as pets and you can just, you can just take the sprayers out and put them, I don’t know, in the trash or use them for Science or something. And then they’re just like, a cat, but so much better, as Jenny was saying, and we can use the doll brush to brush its hair, because we know it will need brushing, and we’re all okay taking turns doing that. And really, we’ll take turns with everything. Feeding it, and walking it, and I had the idea to put little shoes on it. Wouldn’t that be really cute? And I think it’s actually a way to bring all three of us together, like as sisters, and--END OF EXCERPT
click for the complete trio of monologues, Skunk Moms. These Skunk Mom monologues are free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

SNOWMAN VERSUS SUN
Titus confronts the sun in the age-old problem of Snowman versus Hot Sun. He has spent 40 minutes making a snowman when he could have been doing a lot of indoor activities (like playing video games or having a hot chocolate bomb). Titus first threatens to use his stored-up superpowers to control the sun, but then leans on pleading with the sun to just be nice and not melt his snowman. At least until his birthday (which is, um, in the summer…).

DETAILS
Genre: comedy/children
Cast: Male/Female/inclusive casting
Age range: 4-10
Setting: Outside, winter
Time period: Contemporary
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

____________________

TITUS

(speaks to the sun in the sky)Mom said I can’t look directly at you, but you can look directly at me, so I hope you see how serious I am! I’m gonna use all those superpowers I’ve been storing up to control you! Yes, you, Sun! I spent 40 minutes making this snowman. 40 minutes when I could have been playing Mario Kart on the Switch! Or drinking a hot chocolate bomb! Or watching youtube. But I’m outside. And I rolled those snowballs all by myself and they got really heavy! (he might try to use superpowers, or might think better of it) Okay. (pause) Maybe I—END OF EXCERPT

Click here for the free complete 1-minute monologue, Snowman Versus Sun, by Tara Meddaugh. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

TEDDY SHOULDN'T GO TO SPACE
Written by guest playwright, 8-year-old, Dylan B.

Jackson, around 8 years old, speaks to a NASA agent who has arrived at his doorstep. He pleads with him not to take his dog, Teddy, to space for a host of reasons. But all that aside, Jackson has another reason he dog can’t go to the moon…Teddy’s services have already been requested…elsewhere.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Children/Teen
Cast: Male/female
Age range: 5-13
Running Time: Approximately 1 minute

_________________________

JACKSON

You really shouldn’t send my dog to the moon. Remember you said that the rocket was fast, to convince me? Well, in space the faster you go, the farther you go to the future. So I won’t see Teddy for months! Also you’re not even paying me. And I know most kids would be excited about this, so…you don’t need to worry about paying—but still. You could run out of air. Get attacked by cosmic radiation, run out of gas, or freeze! You should go get volunteers. So once you leave, you can keep that in mind. And I see—END OF EXCERPT
Click below to purchase the entire monologue:

THE BEAUTIFUL BRACELET
RILEY confronts her grieving friend, Hayley, whom she saw shoplift a bracelet.

DETAILS:
Genre: Dramatic
Setting: A coffee shop
Age range: Tween, teen
Cast: Female
Time period: Contemporary
Running time: Approximately 30-60 seconds
Originally Commissioned by American Pageants

____________________________

RILEY

That’s really, um, that’s a…beautiful bracelet. But…Haley, I’m not a psychologist or anything and I’m not trying to pretend that I am, but…You haven’t been calling or texting since your mom died, and I get it—you must be devastated and maybe you don’t want to talk, but…END OF EXCERPT. This monologue, The Beautiful Bracelet, is free to download here, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

THE MEANING OF PLANTS
A 1-minute monologue from the play, Brush Them Fleas
Stacy, an awkward young dog groomer at an upscale dog grooming salon, bullied by a fellow employee, finds herself in a room with Mr. Boland, a client who has been undergoing some stress of his own. As they struggle to find even absurd conversation, she lands on confessing that she sometimes “knows things.” When pressed on what she knows, Stacy reveals her interest in plants. In this monologue, she speaks about her disinterest in typically beautiful flowers which may hold emotional meanings from the giver. She prefers dandelions, which have a brightness and relatable dying process she appreciates.

MONOLOGUE DETAILS
Genre: Dramatic/Comedic/Teen/Young adult
Cast: Female/male
Age range: 14-50
Setting: A dog grooming salon waiting room
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

___________________ 

STACY

I guess, um, I know about plants. I took a class about them once and I started planting my own little garden. I’m not too big on pretty flowers. They frighten me… They always mean something. They mean, “I’m sorry or “I love you”… or… you died. (pause) I do like dandelions though. They don’t mean anything. No one gives dandelions to someone else. They grow as much as they want to and they make your hands turn brown when you pick them, and they don’t smell or even look that pretty. But, I like them. Because if you have enough of them—END OF EXCERPT

Click here for the free 1-minute version of the monologue, The Meaning of Plants, from the absurdist comedy, Brush Them Fleas.

Click here for the 2-minute version of the monologue, The Meaning of Plants, including Stacy’s view on the humble, yet important potato, hidden below the surface.

The 1-minute monologue, The Meaning of Plants, is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so here:

To learn more about Stacy and to read the absurdist comedy, Brush Them Fleas, from which the monologue comes, click below:

THE MUD PUDDLE
Sophie is standing by a mud puddle.  Isabelle has pushed her in the mud puddle two times already and Sophie has resisted the urge to retaliate.  Her clothes are muddied and dirtied and she is sick of being pushed around. She speaks to Isabelle.

DETAILS
Genre: COMEDY/CHILDREN'S
Cast: FEMALE (MALE)
Setting: OUTSIDE, NEAR A MUD PUDDLE
Age range: 5-10 years old
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

______________

SOPHIE

If you push me in that mud puddle one more time, I’m gonna…I’m gonna…my mommy said calling people a Poopy-Head is not a nice thing to do, but you are not doing a nice thing to me, so I just might have to call you that.  And yeah, so I have mud on me now, but it’s not poop, and having poop on your head is a lot grosser!  You think that’s funny?  Okay!  You can laugh.  Maybe you’d like some mud on you then?  What—are you gonna run away now?  Go tell your mom that I was gonna throw mud on you?—END OF EXCERPT
CLICK FOR COMPLETE THE MUD PUDDLE MONOLOGUE. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

THE REAL VALUE OF CANDY
Fred speaks to his dentist about the office policy of exchanging 1 pound of Halloween candy for $1.00. Fred is not pleased with this deal he entered into under false pretenses, and expresses the hard work he went through to get that candy. He decides he will not trade it in after all. He will do something else with the candy. He will eat it.

DETAILS
Running time: Approximately 1 minute
Cast: Male or Female
Age: 4-12
Genre: Comedic/Children’s monologue
Setting: A Dentist’s office

FRED

A dollar a pound. Really? Do you know how long it took me to get that candy? Do you know how many houses I had to walk to? In my costume? Without my coat on, because I wanted to look like a real superhero, not a superhero wearing a coat—

(THE MIDDLE SECTION OF THIS MONOLOGUE HAS BEEN OMITTED FOR PREVIEW PURPOSES. CLICK “ADD TO CART” BELOW FOR COMPLETE MONOLOGUE)

And that is why I will not be exchanging it. Because I know the real value of candy. (pause) I will be taking my candy home. And eating it. (pause) I will see you at my next teeth cleaning.

END OF PREVIEW EXCERPT
Click below for the complete children’s 1-minute monologue, "The Real Value of Candy"

THE REASON I’M SINGLE
Rebecca is finally ready to confess to her friend, Kelly, why she doesn’t have a boyfriend…

DETAILS
Genre: Comedic
Cast: Female
Age: Late teens-adult
Running time: 30 seconds-1 minute
Explicit - S

Currently, this monologue is only available on PerfomerStuff.com. You can find the monologue and brief excerpt here.

THE THING ABOUT MERMAIDS
Riley recognizes that many mystical creatures are not real, but knows that mermaids are. In fact, Riley just saw one yesterday and describes the sighting to a friend in a park. But of all the mystical creatures Riley realizes, it’s kind of a waste that mermaids are real.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Children
Cast: Female/male
Age range: 5-10
Running time: Approximately 45 seconds - 1 minute
Setting: Park 

____________________

 RILEY

I know leprechauns aren’t real. I learned that when I was four and saw my mom hiding gold coins around the house in the middle of the night. And I know unicorns aren’t real either, because they’ve been extinct since the dinosaurs. But mermaids? (pause) I saw one in the lake yesterday. It was on a rock. It looked at me and didn’t even wave! And then it—END OF EXCERPT

CLICK HERE for the free digital copy of The Thing About Mermaids by Tara Meddaugh. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

THOSE JIMMY CHOO SHOES
SARAH is at the principal’s office. She implores the principal to understand all of the terrible things that Madison has done to her, and how it has logically led to Sarah hitting Madison in the face with one of her Jimmy Choo shoes.

DETAILS
Genre: Comedy/Teen/Drama
Cast: Female
Age range: 12-20
Setting: Principal’s office
Running time: Approximately 1 minute

______________________

SARAH

You wanna know why I did it, I get it. But really, there are hundreds of reasons, so it’s more like, why didn’t I do it sooner? Madison is always, like, shoving those bags that cost a thousand dollars or whatever, like, shoving them on my desk when she walks by, and telling me about how she’s donating her Jimmy Choo shoes to the thrift shop and maybe I can afford them there. She also flirts with my dad. Did you know that? When he picks me up from school, she always finds a way to bend over, like she’s in some movie. And, she invited all the girls in our grade to the spa—except me. They went in a hot and cold sauna. I could—really, I could keep going, but the last thing she did, right before I got called to your office—and I hope, like, I hope all of this makes sense to you now—END OF EXCERPT

Click for the free digital download of the monologue, Those Jimmy Choo Shoes. This monologue is free to download above, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

WHACK THE CHRISTMAS TREE, MAN

Robert is at a Christmas Tree farm with his friend, Rich and they are planning to cut down a tree for the holidays. Rich has a chainsaw with him, but Robert explains that is NOT the right way to chop down a Christmas Tree. He shows him his axe and lets him into the real spirit of Christmas.

DETAILS:
Genre: Comedic/Christmas
Running time: Approximately 1 minute
Cast: Male
Age range: 20s-50s
Setting: at a Christmas tree farm
Time period: contemporary
*This monologue contains cursing (2 times)

EXCERPT BELOW

ROBERT

A chainsaw? Dude! You gotta—look— (pulls out an axe) See what I have? It’s called an axe, man. This…is how you chop down a Christmas tree. That’s why they say “chop.” You ever heard someone say, “I’m gonna go chainsaw down a Christmas Tree”? Nah. Don’t be lazy. You gotta do the right way. (holds out the axe) Feel this. (pause) See? There’s—END OF EXCERPT

Click below for the complete 1-minute monologue, WHACK THE CHRISTMAS TREE, MAN.

WHAT MY FANGS ARE FOR
from the 10-minute play, When Marshmallows Burn

While roasting marshmallows with his mom over a campfire, Sammy has grown fur and fangs, in the light of the full moon. He has just run off to the woods to catch a squirrel for a snack. When he returns, blood around his mouth, his mother backs away from him, and asks what he has done. In this monologue, Sammy proudly explains to his mother how he has hunted his first squirrel. When his mom does not respond or seem proud of him, Sammy worries she is mad at him and will not talk to him again. He wonders if she only loved him when he was a human child.

DETAILS:
Genre: Drama/Dark Comedy/Thriller/Teen/Children
Cast: Male/Female/Gender neutral/flexible casting
Age range: 10 years old, but the role may be played by a child, teenager, or young adult
Setting: Outside, around campfire in backyard
Time period: Contemporary
Running time: Around 1 minute
From the play: When Marshmallows Burn

_______________

SAMMY

I ran in the woods, then crouched down and was really quiet. After just a couple of seconds, I saw a squirrel—because, Mom, now I can see in the dark better than normal! So then, I jumped up, super fast, and ran to the squirrel, super super fast! And I put my mouth on the squirrel’s body and chomped down and just started chewing! The fur and bones didn’t even bother me! I guess that’s what my fangs are for. I think I ate most of in, like, 5 bites. That’s good, right? I always thought I was slower than most kids, but now, I might be faster than anyone! (pause) Mom? (pause) You’re proud of me, right (pause) Do you want me to get you a squirrel now? END OF EXCERPT

For the complete free monologue, What My Fangs Are For, click here. This monologue is free to download, but if you would like to support the playwright and her craft, you may do so below:

To learn more about Sammy and his mother, and to read the complete play, When Marshmallows Burn, click below.