New children's comedic monologue about Animal Crossing: Your Crucian Carps are Blocking the Doorway, Mom
Okay, I’m not exactly a gamer, so my children were thrilled when I mentioned how Nintendo Switch’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons looked like a game I might be able to get into. A few adult friends shared how they were loving playing it and the idea of setting up my own paradise island amidst our pandemic quarantine near New York City sounded, well, pretty darn appealing. I wasn’t alone in that thought. Apparently, this game sold more than 13 million copies in the first 6 weeks after it was released in March. [Skip to my new comedic children’s monologue, Your Crucian Carps are Blocking the Doorway, Mom]
So it was a joyous quarantine Mother’s Day all around, when my boys set up a rhyming treasure hunt which led to said Nintendo Switch game and I joined the millions of people collecting giant clams, crafting cherry wallpaper and coconut lamps, fishing for rainbow eels and whale sharks, and buying random items like a half finished puzzle and a musical teacup ride. I’ve run errands for Rod, given bamboo speakers to Flo, worked hard on paying my housing debt to Tom Nook, planted money trees (don’t plant by flowers! You’ll lose your money bags if they fall into them!), done my best to landscape roses and peach trees, and sold lots of random sea creatures to brother raccoons, Timmy and Tommy. If I’m going to play a video game, this is it.
I’ve written a few children’s comedic monologues inspired by my husband, such as A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean and My Missing Skittles. But this one is inspired by my own, ahem, messy Animal Crossing: New Horizons (ACNH) house and my son who called me out for it. Then told me this would be a good idea for a monologue (big thanks and shout-out to him!). If you read this monologue to its completion, here are some answers to questions you might have about the writing of this piece:
Yes, my son did clean up my ACNH house for me.
As payment for cleaning up my house, I gave my son some bells, as well as a clock he really wanted.
My other son wants my automatic toilet.
Yes, I did clean up my son’s room for him, but as a birthday gift.
Yes, my ACNH house got super messy a week or so after my son cleaned up my house.
Yes, my son’s room got fairly messy a week or so after I cleaned up his room.
Currently, my house is actually tidy for a change, with an actual kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living room and I just paid off another loan, so I should have a 2nd floor or something coming today if Tom Nook holds to his promise. He always does.
Currently, my son’s room is so-so in terms of tidiness, but I’ll take it!
Yes, a fish tank did block my doorway once, but I noticed it and moved it. :)
And most importantly, remember, this monologue is still fiction. So as to not soil my esteemed video game reputation, I must address this: I would never keep a bunch of crucian carps as decoration. I mean, I just caught 2 gigas giant clams and an isopod the other day. If I’m going to decorate my house like an aquarium, I’d prefer seahorses and vampire squids, not horse mackerels. I’m not that much of a “noob,” as my kids would say.
Now onto the drama of this all!
Enjoy this new comedic children’s monologue, Your Crucian Carps are Blocking the Doorway, Mom. It is appropriate for a male or female actor, around ages 5-12 or so, and runs about 1.5 minutes long. In it, Luke is surprised his mom would tell him to clean up his messy bedroom when her whole house in Animal Crossing: New Horizons is so messy. He confronts her about this and proposes they strike a deal…
Here’s an excerpt:
LUKE
You’re asking me to clean up my bedroom? Like, that one sock on the floor? Or this Dumbledore wand, by my foot? (pause) Mom… (shakes head) I walked in your house today. (pause) It’s such a mess in there! It looks like you took everything in your pockets and just dumped it on your floor! You’ve got, you’ve got a cat tower and summer shells and a carrot cake and a wedding bench and an automatic toilet—which is actually really cool and I kind of want that…. And your walls are all covered in your shirts and pants and a mantis head! I mean—what kind of room is that? Is it your bathroom or your kitchen or a store or something? And…oh my gosh, Mom… You have, I don’t know, 20 fish tanks all lined up around your room! And they’re not even cool rare fish! They’re like a bunch of horse mackerels and crucian carps! (pause) So, yeah, I’m a little surprised that… END OF EXCERPT.
Click below for the complete monologue of "YOUR CRUCIAN CARPS ARE BLOCKING THE DOORWAY, MOM”