Funny monologues about food!

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Food and Humor just go together, don’t they? Isn’t a scene just funnier if someone mentions addictive Cheetos or some moldy blueberries (hm…idea for a new monologue?)? 30 Rock knew where it was at! Did a single episode go by without some funny food reference? Food is real, tangible, something we all know. It’s messy, it tastes good or it tastes bad, it can make you sick, it can make you choke, it can make you happy, it can distract you. It brings out jealousy, love, anger, pride, selfishness, selflessness, self-control, lack of self-control. Food is, when it comes down to it, a really powerful tool that fuels a lot of heavy emotion! Of course it’s dramatic! So enjoy these ten (10) funny food monologues! From donuts and apple pies to skittles and jelly beans (and, um, even a dog toenail in a can of corn!), check out these comedic monologues all featuring food!

Ten Funny Food Monologues

The Real Value of Candy A comedic children’s monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Fred confronts his dentist on the lousy Halloween-candy-for-pennies program he’s running!

My Missing Skittles: A comedic children’s monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Sal confronts his father for stealing his Halloween candy.

A Dad’s Defense: A comedic monologue, approximately 1.5-2 minutes long, where Doug tries to cut a deal with his son Sal, after he’s caught red-handed, stealing Sal’s Halloween candy.

A Donut Daydream A comedic teen monologue, approximately 2.5 minutes long, where Lulu’s prom-dress-diet has her dreaming of a delicious, creamy donut…

A Waste of a Totally Good Jelly Bean A comedic children’s monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Steven implores his dad to just stop eating his jelly beans the wrong way!

Baby Ants in a Pie: A comedic/dramatic monologue, approximately 1.5-2 minutes long, where Robin reacts to finding an ant in a freshly baked apple pie.

On Washing Cereal Bowls and Other Millennial Matters A comedic monologue, approximately 2 minutes long, where Amber defends her decision to not squander time washing cereal bowls.

The Dog Toenail An absurd comedic monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Ricky recounts how a woman found a dog toenail in her can of corn, and the pleasant surprise that followed.

Dinner at Canale’s A darkly comedic/thriller monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Vicky hopes she can ignore her husband’s mistakes (and, um, his gun on the table) and they can eat lasagna in peace.

Apple Pie Pain: A dramatic/comedic monologue, approximately 1 minute long, where Holly confronts her husband about the lonely thankless hard work of making apple pies from scratch.