Funny monologues about food!

Food and Humor just go together, don’t they? I don’t know why, but isn’t a scene just funnier if someone mentions cheetos or some moldy blueberries (hm…idea for a new monologue?)? Food is real, tangible, something we all know. It’s messy, it tastes good or it tastes bad, it can make you sick, it can make you choke, it can make you happy, it can distract you. It brings out jealousy, love, anger, pride, selfishness, selflessness. Food is, when it comes down to it, a really powerful tool in life that fuels a lot of heavy emotion! So, of course it’s dramatic! Here are ten (10) funny monologues about food! From donuts and apple pies to skittles and jelly beans (and even a dog toenail in a can of corn), check out these comedic monologues all featuring food!

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Unknown Playwrights Feature of my dark comedy monologue, "March in Line"

It’s so much fun to see wildly different interpretations of the same monologue, right? Yet within all the differences, it’s telling to find the commonalities that run throughout. Unknown Playwrights Monologue Monday series does a great job of showcasing new monologues, and then compiling an A-Z video list of actors performing the piece. You can see three videos below of actors performing my monologue, March in Line, just to show how very different they can be!

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New Comedic Children's Monologue: The Real Value of Candy

As Halloween approaches, children’s minds and salivary glands start turning toward candy…but when so much candy is too much, it’s great some dentists offer a candy-for-money exchange, right? Well, check out Fred’s reaction to the deal his dentist set up. Does he think it’s so great? In this 1-minute comedic monologue for children, Fred confronts his dentist when he realizes the deal is not exactly what he was promised at his last visit! Enjoy this short funny monologue, entitled, THE REAL VALUE OF CANDY, suited for male or female actors (around ages 4-12)!

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Five Fall Monologues

If you’re looking for an autumn-themed monologue, check out these 5 monologues below, for some crisp weather theater! From halloween candy to ants in apple pies to frankenstein—enjoy!

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Ferret Envy on Unknown Playwrights Monologue Monday

Okay, so I was beyond elated when I first read Ionesco’s La Cantatrice Chauve (the Bald Soprano) in 9th grade French Class, as it confirmed a name for the style of theater my teenage self had already been unknowingly writing in: Theater of the Absurd. It was weird, it was dark, it was funny. I loved the feeling of laughing then cringing, cringing then laughing, laughing while cringing. After I read through Ionesco at my school library, my teacher suggested I try Albee, and these two writers (perhaps along with the tv show, Northern Exposure) were important influences in my writing.

So huge thanks to Bryan for this nice write-up on his blog, Unknown Playwrights, about my monologue, Ferret Envy, including A through Z video performances of the monologue.

”Sometimes you see Ionesco‘s name thrown around with Theatre of the Absurd. Same deal with Albee. Nah, Meddaugh is where it’s at. Picture this: You are SO jealous of your friend’s ferret that you (probably) killed said ferret because…you want to be your friend’s ferret!!!! This is a fun, funny goofed-up piece of theatrical brilliance.”

Bryan, I am blushing that you can put me in a category with these writerly gentlemen. Thanks for the shout-out, and you can check out prolific playwright Bryan Stubbles’ work here.

New Comedic Monologue: On Washing Cereal Bowls and Other Millennial Matters

In 2016, the media went wild over research about why millennials were not eating as much cereal as their Gen Y and Gen X aunts and uncles. Just google it and you’ll see scores of articles with people really up in arms about the topic—and people up in arms about how people are up in arms about it! Apparently I was late to ingest this crucial news (was something else crucial going on in 2016?), as I didn’t hear about it until this year, when my elementary school child brought home a “close reading” article on the topic. He and I both had opinions on it, and while he got to share his thoughts in his homework, I took to dramatizing a moment inspired by it (thanks, Mrs. M.!). So check out my new 2-minute comedic (dramatic) monologue for young adults, On Washing Cereal Bowls and Other Millennial Matters

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New Dark Comedy Monologue: What I Did Before Bingo

If you’re looking for a dark comedy/dramatic monologue with a unique story, check out What I Did Before Bingo, from the full-length play, Free Space. Free Space is a dark comedy where canneries become bingo halls, mothers become sisters, and bingo chips give orders! Yes, it sounds weird (and it kind of is!), but Amelia is relatable in her desire to find her place and meaning in a cold world. Free Space, is a fast, funny “page turner,” and keeps the audience on the edge of their seat. It’s fun to act in, direct and design!

This free monologue is written for a female character, but the monologue is suitable for any gender, teen through young adult. It is somewhat dramatic, with pensive moments, but also has an eerie darkly comedic side, as, well, she is hearing a bingo chip talk to her! In the monologue,

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New Dark Comedy Monologue: Growing Up on the Wrong Side of Bingo

If you’re looking for a dark comedy monologue with dramatic intensity, from a full-length play, check out Amelia’s newly released monologue, Growing up on the Wrong Side of Bingo. It’s from the dark comedy play, Free Space, where canneries become bingo halls, mothers become sisters, and bingo chips give orders! Yes, it sounds weird (and it kind of is!), but Amelia is relatable in her desire to find her place and meaning in a cold world. Free Space, is a fast, funny “page turner,” and keeps the audience on the edge of their seat. It’s fun to act in, direct and design!

This free monologue is around 2 minutes long, written for a female character, but the monologue is suitable for any gender, teen through young adult. It’s funny, but dramatic also and a little strange. In the monologue…

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Grinching Mom: New Children's comedic monologue by guest playwright, 6-year-old, Luke B.

If you don’t know what grinching is yet, perhaps this monologue by guest playwright, 6-year-old, Luke B., will shed some insight. In it, Max is caught red-handed taking his mom’s lamp into his room. He has a perfectly good reason for doing this, but it may not be what you think… Check out this 1-minute comedic children’s monologue, Grinching Mom. And keep reading if you want to find out a bit more about the 6-year-old boy who wrote it…

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Christmas Theater: talking reindeer, mistletoe melancholy, christmas tree blood and more!

As we sled into December, first, a very warm Happy Hannukah or Happy Chanukah (or use one of the other 14 spellings!)! And second, the Christmas Theater season is upon us! Is there a classic holiday play you see every year? Or a new Christmas show you are looking forward to this season? For me, I recently enjoyed A Charlie Brown Christmas: Live On Stage followed by one of those crazy milkshakes shared by 4 of us (check out the pic!)! Nothing says Christmas like tons of sweets, right (Okay, yes, lots of things say Christmas other than sweets! But one must exert some sugar will power around the holidays!)? Next weekend, I’m looking forward to nestling into an historic Dutch church in legendary Sleepy Hollow to watch a one-man show of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol. The following weekend, I’ll enjoy a one-hour version of The Nutcracker. I love to suppor theater year-round, but there is something special about seeing a warm holiday show in December!

As much as I love seeing Christmas Drama, I also love writing it! So check out some of my Christmas theater below (a one-act play, a 5-minute one-man show, and several monologues for kids to adults)! Click on the links to read excerpts from all of the holiday monologues or holiday plays or to get the full versions. Enjoy the holiday season!…

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New Christmas Holiday Comedic Monologue for male (or female) actor: Still Standing Under the Mistletoe

If you’re looking for a monologue for a male actor desperately trying to cling to an old romance, hopefully anxious, nervously excited (so much fun to act!), then check out my new monologue, Still Standing Under the Mistletoe. Larry is at a Christmas party and speaks to his ex-girlfriend Mindy. She is standing under the mistletoe and he nervously confesses he still has feelings for her. He hopes that she still has feelings for him too, and that if she notices she is standing under the mistletoe, she will not move away from it…

This is a comedic monologue for a male actor (teen through adult) and is approximately 1.5-2 minutes along,

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New Monologue Packet, Featuring 19 children's monologues from Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen

Enjoy a new monologue packet, featuring 19 comedic monologues for children extracted from the one-act play, Christmas Superpowers and Believing in Blitzen. Monologues range from 30 seconds to 3 minutes, and average approximately 1-2 minutes long. Check out two free sample monologues from this packet, Santa’s Lousy Job and Shepherd Superheroes. About the play: Take a snowy walk through the child-like magic of Christmas, where reindeer talk, Santa is real, and who wants super powers?…

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New Comedic Halloween Monologue for a male actor: A Dad's Defense

Okay, parents, Halloween is quickly approaching…You’re going to make, buy, rent or borrow your child’s halloween costume, you’re going to traipse around town in the dark, carefully monitoring your child so s/he doesn’t get lost in the shuffle of dressed-up children mobs. You’re going to tend to sugar-high meltdowns, freak-outs when…

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Eight Great Monologues Dealing with Bullying

Part of the beauty and magic of theatre is that we can use drama to give voice to an emotion, challenge or experience we might not otherwise express. Below are eight monologues that center around the idea of bullying in some capacity. Whether it is covering your ears in the shower, imagining you’re a shark, or instructing teddy bears to jump out a window, these dramatic, comedic or darkly comedic monologues show different ways people cope with the effects of bullying. ..

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Children/teen comedic Halloween monologue: My Missing Skittles

Okay, kids, we’re a month away from Halloween and a 9-year-old just told me he read 90% of parents steal some of their kids’ Halloween candy! Do you think your parents are in that majority? Or is your mom or dad in that elite angelic 10%? And parents, do you think it causes no harm to skim a little Reeses Pieces from the tip? …

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New dramatic/comedic monologue, The Statistics Aren't Real

The Statistics Aren’t Real monologue comes from Jumping The Wind, a 10-minute comedic/dramatic play perfect for competitions, classrooms, festivals and productions. There are 2 great roles with a flexible gender and age cast, and very minimal set. Two pieces of pollen (yes, pollen!) must make the treacherous jump from a dying flower to a fresh flower - before the cat comes around that night to destroy what is left of the flower these pollen have always called home…

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New Dark Comedy Teen Monologue: Tiramisu Vaping

Check out Tiramisu Vaping, my new dark comedy teen monologue for a female (or male) actor. This runs 1.5-2 minutes, on average. In the monologue, Emma makes a case to her mother of why vaping is actually a far less selfish habit than previous generations, and how her generation has taken serious steps to think of others, as well as the whole planet.

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New Comedic Children's monologue: Written by 8-year-old guest playwright

Let me tell you about a talented little boy. He's a member of the Chess Club and Computer Club at his school, participates in Engineering and Swim classes, researches the mysteries of outer space, loves to ride his bike, do gross food dares during school Lunch, read like a fiend, go on hikes, and has a blast writing and illustrating his own comic book series called "Tommy Tom Tom, Mike and Joe."...

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